


Star Trek The Next Generation: Home

by MultifandomForte



Series: Star Trek: Vulcan Days [1]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Family Feels, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Major Original Character(s), Other, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Teenage Drama, Triggers, Vulcan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24007225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultifandomForte/pseuds/MultifandomForte
Summary: Vanessa Kassidy Williams: the spirited and rebellious Vulcan daughter of Ambassador Spock. Due to exposure to radiation, her aging process slowed, both physically and cognitively. When she is invited to return to the USS Enterprise by its new captain, Jean-Luc Picard, Vanessa keeps her spirits high, hoping for the best. Little does she know, her visit back to the Enterprise will alter her entire world.
Relationships: Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard, Spock (Star Trek)/Original Female Character(s), William Riker/Deanna Troi
Series: Star Trek: Vulcan Days [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731385
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> “Inside you is the potential to make yourself better….And that is what it is to be human. To make yourself more than you are.” -Captain Jean-Luc Picard
> 
> For the characters that have been my comfort, and my Imzadi who introduced me to them.
> 
> This is a very personal story for me that I have worked on for over a year. Please do not use my characters without asking. Very short prologue, sorry about that, but the chapters will be longer. This is based on my other story "The Blue Eyed Vulcan", but can also stand alone.
> 
> P.s. concrit (constructive criticism) is highly appreciated, but please be nice! This series will also be updated in sections in which all sections WILL be completed, but some will be started/completed before others. I'm a little disorganized and have too many ideas lol :)

_ Stardate 2366.063 _

_ Location: Romulus _

_ Data _

The crew of the Starship Enterprise, including myself, had successfully infiltrated the planet Romulus, homeworld of the Romulans. We had completed our mission quickly and easily. Although, one crew member deserved most of the credit for the mission’s success. Her name was Vanessa Kassidy Williams. No one was quite sure of her original status on the Enterprise NCC-1701. She had simply always been there, and no one had ever objected. However, she had managed to reach the title of “Lieutenant Commander” on the Enterprise NCC-1701 D. She was half Vulcan, half human. She was extremely well respected by almost everyone she encountered. She had quite a few oddities about her, which made some question her actions, but she had ultimately, time after time, led the Enterprise and its crew to positive outcomes.

“Data!” she called, causing me to turn. She walked towards me. “Picard’s taking me back to the ship for us to get a few things. He told me to let you know.” Vanessa’s greatest oddity immediately stood out. She had bright red hair, something that was very rare, nearly non-existent, in Vulcans. Her second greatest oddity was her bright blue eyes, also unheard of in Vulcans. 

“Very well. I will remain here with the rest of the landing party and await your return.” Vanessa smiled at me, which most of the crew referred to as her ‘trademark’.

“Great. I can’t wait to see you back on the ship. Bye, Data!” she called, waving as she started towards the Captain. I watched as they were beamed up to the ship, and then turned around once they were gone.

“Quite the illogical Vulcan,” a voice said from behind me. I turned around once again to see who the voice belonged to.

“Ambassador Spock,” I answered.

“It is a surprise that the Federation hasn’t filed against her yet,” the Ambassador replied. “The Vulcan government will already not tolerate her ideas.”

“Her ideas can be quite controversial, but she has always led the Enterprise to success and achievement through her….controversial ideas.”

“The Vulcan government has not just simply excluded her for her ideas. They have done so because of her refusal to accept a logical mindset. She can be quite….stubborn. Those closest to her are some of the few that have seen the positives and negatives of her stubbornness. I grew to know her through those positives and negatives, aboard the Enterprise as a matter of fact.”

“You know her quite well, sir.”

“She was on the Enterprise with me for many years. She was always there, even when she was exposed to radiation.” I remembered Vanessa once explaining to me that the exposure had affected her aging process, slowing it down, but not stopping it.

“Yes. She once explained the radiation exposure to me.”

“I’ve known her for quite a long time, and she has surely made all the difference in my life.”

“She is your daughter, sir.” The Ambassador nodded.

“She touches everyone she meets.” I thought of something, and I felt that I had to tell the Ambassador.

“Ambassador Spock, if you have the time, there is a story I must tell you,” I explained.

“We do have the time, in fact. Tell me your story, Lieutenant Commander.”

“It was two years ago, the first time I had ever met Vanessa….”


	2. An Interesting Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Picard is meeting Vanessa Kassidy Williams for the first time. Although he has heard many concerning rumors, he remains hopeful that he can have her cooperation.

_ Stardate 2364.143 _

_ Location: The Starship Enterprise _

_ Vanessa _

I leaned against a window, staring off into space. By space, I mean that quite literally. I was back on my home, the Starship Enterprise. I breathed a little bit on the glass, letting it fog up. Connecting stars, I wrote my name in the fog. I smiled, thinking about how I wrote my name in the stars. I knew this ship inside and out, and it felt so good to be back on it. I wondered if much had changed, but that didn’t really matter to me. The new Captain of the Enterprise, Jean-Luc Picard, had read over my previous experience growing up on the Enterprise and personally invited me back aboard. I started drawing little pictures in the fogged glass, humming the song “Headphones” by Britt Nicole. After all, it was the very first song I played on the Enterprise. It seemed to fit the occasion. I heard the small beep from the door.

“Come in,” I said. Captain Picard of the Enterprise entered the room. I knew him from pictures and stories, and his invitation, obviously.

“Ah, hello. Please, please have a seat,” he told me. “Would you like something to drink?”

“Oh, no thank you, Captain,” I responded, remembering to be polite.

“No, it’s alright.” I watched him as he walked over to the replicator. “Tea, Earl grey hot.” After the tea was made, the Captain took a seat back down in his chair. “So, you served on the Enterprise under Captain Kirk.” He said this as more of a statement than a question. I smiled my “trademark smile”.

“Yes, sir, I did. I believe for four years, officially.”

“Four years of the five year mission, or when he regained control of the Enterprise’s last six years of service?”

“Four years of the five year mission, sir.”

“The last four or the first four?”

“The last four, sir.” I found it a slight bit odd to be using ‘sir’ so much. Kirk was basically an uncle to me, so I almost never referred to him as sir.

“Oh, I see. So, I have to ask you….”

“Yes, sir?”

“What do you know about the history of the Enterprise’s name?” Picard stood and walked towards the shelf, which contained all of the Enterprises, in miniature form, of course.

“Captain, I can’t say that I know much of the Enterprise’s history, but I do know this ship inside and out. I worked on it for years, lived on it for years, and memorized every part of it.”

“Sorry if I may seem rude, but I find that hard to believe because I believe I invited you here and we have only been in space for three years.” That slightly alarmed me. I had never been questioned about my time on the Enterprise.

“The Enterprise became a large part of my life once I began living on it. It saved my life multiple times, so I believe that the only way to repay it is to learn everything I can about it. My father helped me start learning almost immediately after I came onto the ship.”

“Ah, yes, your father, Ambassador Spock.”

“Yes, that’s him.”

“Yes and I find it odd that any history of you has been deleted from the Federation files.”

“I don’t find that surprising at all,” I answered, slightly laughing. “I’m not exactly….very well liked within the Federation.”

“Oh, really? Please, do elaborate on that. It would solve a lot of problems for me.”

“The Federation has discovered that I can be quite….opinionated. I don’t think like other Vulcans. I’ve been told before that I am quite illogical, for a Vulcan. But the Federation has found that the decisions I have made can be very….controversial, at times.”

“Yes, very controversial. The records might be gone, but the people aren’t. Did you know that Doctor McCoy visited this ship before it launched?”

“Yes, he told me about it when I saw him last.”

“When did you last see him?”

“It’s been a long time. A few years, I believe.”

“He passed away three months ago, age 140.” That sentence hit me hard. McCoy and I had made a bet for how long he would live, but I just lost that bet. I never got to say goodbye. That sentence hit me, and it galactically hurt.

“Oh,” I finally replied, keeping an overall neutral expression. “I wish I would have known.”

Yes, I’m sorry to give it to you bluntly, but I have a point to all of this.”

“I assumed you did.”

“You see, Starfleet doesn’t exactly like me inviting you to my ship, and Doctor McCoy was the only person left to vouch for you.”

“What exactly did he say?”

“That you were troublesome, rowdy and a pain to be around.” I tried to stop myself from smiling. “But, he also said you were a good kid, even for a Vulcan, and you always got the job done.” I allowed myself a bittersweet smile.

“With a little help,” I added.

“Yes, but that small last remark did little to change Starfleet’s mind.”

“I expect that. Starfleet and I have….odd relations.”

“Well, Starfleet has ordered for your arrest when we visit the next star base.” In my mind, I silently cursed in Vulcan, multiple times.

“For some galactically odd reason, that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest,” I replied, covering up my internal panic.

“Well, I am ordered to apprehend you right now. I have security outside this room.” I mentally cursed in Vulcan again. I had a feeling he was bluffing, but I wasn’t completely sure.

“That also doesn’t surprise me,” I answered.

“But, I have an alternative.” Alternative? I couldn’t help but wonder what the Captain was thinking.

“Oh? And what might that be, Captain?”

“We are scheduled to meet a Romulan ambassador and they are refusing to speak to any one of us, unless they are Romulan or Vulcan.”

“And you want me to meet with them?”

“Yes, we seem to be short on Vulcan and Romulan crew members and if you do this successfully, I can put it under diplomatic work, which I can then grant you asylum on the Enterprise.” Myself as a diplomat? From previous experience, I knew that wasn’t the greatest idea.

“If that’s your plan, are you quite sure you have everything thought out? I’ve been told before that I’m not exactly the greatest diplomat….”

“That I know, which is why I have scheduled Counselor Troi to go along with you.” I wondered for a second if Picard had a catch to his offer.

“Captain, with that in mind, I have a question for you.”

“Yes?”

“What makes you trust me?”

“Because I believe everyone has a choice, and so far, yours has been to help Starfleet. I believe that it is everyone’s right to change and be someone better and right now I’m giving you that chance.” Galaxy. He passed my test.

“So, if I accept your terms, you will in fact give me a spot back on the Enterprise?”

“I will not only give you a spot, but I will grant you the rank of lieutenant and a place on my bridge.” I smiled my trademark smile.

“When do we leave?”

“We leave in two days.”

“Also, Captain, is there anyone in your crew I should be….wary or cautious of? We had quite a few….incidents, back when Kirk was Captain.”

“Oh no, I think you’ll find our crew most enjoyable.” I smiled again.

“I think I will.”

“Alright, then.” Picard started to leave the room. The door opened, and no security guards were outside of it.

“I knew it,” I said. Picard turned back towards me.

“Knew what?”

“That no one would be outside the door. Everyone threatens with security, but the truth is, everyone also knows that I could easily take out security. So I knew that no security guards were there.”

“Oh no, that’s not it. I tapped my communicator to tell them to go about three minutes ago. There were twenty men with phasers standing out here.” I felt the blood completely drain from my face.

“Oh. Well, I never said I knew everything in the galaxy,” I tried to cover up my thoughts. “I’m still learning along the way.” Picard smiled and then walked out. I moved to start following him.

“You will be a very interesting challenge, Vanessa.” I smiled.

“I always am.”


	3. Hybrid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa meets some of the other crew members and sees the bridge of the Enterprise D for the first time. She also begins to create a new friendship with Counselor Troi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw if you haven't figured this out yet, when a new name is listed, the pov is switched. (I.e. if you see the name Vanessa followed by text, it's her pov. If you see Data followed by text, it's Data's pov.)

_Vanessa_

I followed Picard to the turbolift, where he pressed the button and waited for the doors to open.

“Captain, can I ask a question?” I asked.

“Yes,” Picard answered.

“With Counselor Troi….she has an ability, doesn’t she?”

“Yes. You see, Counselor Troi is half betazoid, and betazoids can read the emotions and thoughts of a being.”

“I thought so.”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, of course not, Captain.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. It’s just that….nevermind. I can assure you that there is no problem.” The turbolift doors opened and the two of us stepped inside.

“Listen, if there’s a problem, I need to know about it and as being the Captain and leader of your assignment, I order you to tell me.”

“Captain, there is no problem. It is simply a personal matter and it will not affect the mission.” I feared that I was already letting out too much information.

“Hmm. You  _ are _ different because, if I can remember correctly, Vulcans can’t tell lies, but you seem very good at that.” I could’ve made over a thousand comments right then and there, but I knew I couldn’t, and I didn’t.

“You’re forgetting, Captain, I’m not fully Vulcan. But I can assure you that the mission won’t be affected.”

“Bulls---.” I was slightly surprised at what the Captain said, but, at the same time, I wasn’t.

“I feel that it would be better at this point for both of us if I refrained from speaking any further,” I said, trying not to get frustrated.

“You are lying to me. Now, if you don’t tell me right away then you are off the mission and you can enjoy your 100 years locked away in a Federation holding cell.” A plea almost escaped my mouth. For a split second, I almost started to beg Picard to let me stay. What the galaxy was wrong with me? I would  _ never  _ consider pleading as an option.

“Let’s just say that I have no problems with empaths or telepaths. They just….tend to have issues with me.”

“What issues?”

“Just typically small ones. They tend to try to avoid me, or they start small quarrels. It started when….” my voice trailed off.

“When what?”

“When my mother died,” I hesitated to answer. “She was an empath, but once she died, empaths and telepaths have always tended to have some type of problem with me.”

“What type of problem?”

“It is almost like a….prejudice, I suppose you could say.” I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing. I was basically spilling all my secrets to a Captain I had just met. This wasn’t like me. I didn’t like it in the slightest.

“Prejudice? Against what, exactly?” I mentally cursed in Vulcan, but I wasn’t really sure at what.

“Just against me. It’s difficult to explain, Captain. They have always just tended to….strongly dislike me.”

“Was it because you are technically partially an empath?” There was a long pause. No one had actually explained the situation as it was. I shifted my eyes away from Picard.

“Vanessa,” Picard said, his tone changing. I hesitated to reply.

“Yes,” I finally replied.

“So they dislike you because you are like them?”

“They dislike me because I’m a…. _ hybrid _ .” I hated that word. I had been called that almost all my life, as if it was all I was worth.

“Well, then, you’ll enjoy Counselor Troi.”

“I hope,” I replied, somewhat on the quiet side.

“She happens to be a hybrid herself.” I internally flinched at the sound of the word.

“Honestly, Captain, I can’t say that I like that word anymore,” I told Picard, not really sure why I was telling him. What was wrong with me?

“Then I shall no longer use it.” I was slightly surprised.

“Approaching Bridge,” the computer cut in.

“Thank you, Captain,” I heard myself say.

“Now, when we get to the bridge, try not to make a scene.”

“I never try to make a scene, normally it just happens.”

“Well, defy your every instinct.” That was easier said than done.

“To me, instincts are quite….controversial.” I smiled my trademark smile.

“So it would seem.” The doors opened to a bridge that I had never seen, but knew it immediately.

“It’s just like I remember,” I heard myself say aloud. In truth, the Enterprise had changed a lot, but, to me, nothing had changed at all. It was still the same, but larger with different colors.

“Really? It’s a lot bigger,” Picard replied.

“The Enterprise has always stayed the same to me, no matter how much it changes.” Picard looked at me for a second.

“Hmm. Counselor Troi, this is Vanessa Williams.” A dark haired woman stood in front of me. To me, she was quite pretty.

“Hello, Counselor. I was told that you would be accompanying me during the mission?” I spoke up.

“Ah, yes. You must be Vanessa. Hello, I am Counselor Troi.” Something about the way she spoke made me a little uncertain.

“It is a pleasure to meet you,” I replied.

“It is a wonderful pleasure to meet you, too. I’ve never met another combination of an empath and a different species, especially a Vulan one.” I immediately noticed how she worked her way around the word ‘hybrid’. I struggled to keep a smile. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, whether it be uncertainty or discomfort or both.

“I haven’t either, Counselor. I suppose this is a first for both of us.”

“Yes, it is.” I could suddenly hear her voice in my head, knowing she had formed a telepathic link. “I’m sorry about that. I noticed the Captain was telling me not to use the word hybrid and I didn’t want to intrude your mind because I can feel a strong emotional pull from you.”

“I apologize for the inconvenience, Counselor,” I replied telepathically. “It is a personal and sensitive matter. I’m sure you can understand.”

“Of course I can, Vanessa.” I suddenly wondered what she knew.

“How much do you exactly….know about me?” I asked through our link.

“Well, mostly what the Captain knows.”

“I see.”

“Vanessa, trust me, I understand why you’re feeling this way. It’s perfectly normal, for you especially.”

“I suppose. This mission seems that it will prove to be quite interesting.”

“Yes, it will, and Vanessa, whatever happens, you can talk to me. It’s my job.”

“I understand, Counselor.”

“Please, I’d like to get to know you better and maybe even become friends. Please, call me Deanna.”

“If you insist, Deanna.”

“Please, Vanessa. I don’t want to bet, but I don’t want to be your enemy. Trust me, I’ve been through a lot of the same things you have been through.”

“With all due respect, Deanna, and this isn’t directed against you, but it’s difficult to talk to someone you’ve only just met. I’m sorry if that sounds rude, it’s not my intention to sound this way.”

“No, I understand. I just don’t want to read your mind and I’ve never really talked to someone without knowing them, so I guess I’ve never done this before.” I could suddenly feel everyone’s eyes on us, which made me remember that Deanna and I were really just staring at each other and not physically speaking.

“Captain, is this normal?” a Klingon near the other side of the bridge asked.

“No, Mr. Worf, I don’t think it is,” Picard answered. I broke the telepathic link.

“No, Captain, actually it somewhat is,” I replied.

“Actually, Captain, Counselor Troi and Vanessa are talking telepathically,” an android near our side of the bridge cut in. I looked from the android, to Picard. “If you are wondering why you can not read my mind is because I am an android.”

“I thought so,” I responded.

“Hmm. You are different from other Vulcans.”

“Quite.” I flashed my trademark smile.

“Data! That wasn’t very nice of you,” Deanna scolded the android. I smiled and turned to Data.

“Data, nice to meet you. I’m Vanessa Williams,” I introduced myself.

“Hmm. Vanessa Williams, ah yes, Ambassador Spock’s daughter.” Of course someone would mention my famous father.

“Yep, that’s me.” 

“Your records were added to the ship.” I mentally panicked in Vulcan. That meant they could probably see every problem I had ever caused.

“I suppose that’s a good thing.”

“Data, you really need to learn to talk to people,” Deanna cut in.

“I think he’s doing just fine,” I said.

“Alright, now that that’s out of the way,” Picard nearly interrupted, “Counselor, how about you take Vanessa to ten forward?” I connected the telepathic link between Deanna and me.

“What’s ten forward?” I mentally asked her.

“A meeting place for everyone,” she telepathically replied.

“Oh. Your Captain was right.”

“About what?”

“So far, I am enjoying your crew.”

“That’s good.”

“There’s something about Data, though. He’s not like a Vulcan, yet he reminds me so much of one and I can’t quite explain why. I suppose it’s the small logical side of me just thinking.”

“Well, that’s good. Now, let’s go get some food.”

“Yes, let’s go.”

“Turbolift, ten forward.”

“So, Vanessa, what city in Vulcan do you come from?” Deanna asked me. We had reached the ten forward room and were currently just talking.

“Oh, it’s just a small town towards the outskirts of the capital.”

“Oh, but you did grow up in the capital, right?”

“Well, technically.”

“Right, so what about your mother?”

“Oh, um….” I shifted in my seat. My mother was one of those unspoken topics. “I never really knew her. She passed away when I was little.” Deanna’s face had grown with sorrow and confusion.

“I thought your mother raised you on Vulcan with your stepfather?”

“Oh, no. That was my caretaker, Natalie.”

“Oh.”

“That’s behind me now. I probably won’t ever go back, honestly.”

“To Vulcan?”

“Oh, no. To that house. I love my home planet, but the house has too many….memories.” I was spilling a little too much of my thoughts; thoughts I had kept locked away for a long time. I wasn’t sure why, but it was just happening. It could’ve been just a slip of the tongue, or it could’ve been one of my consciences. Either way, I didn’t know. 

“Bad memories?”

“Yes, unfortunately.”

“Oh. Vanessa, if you ever want to talk about it, I’m always here for you.” I had never spoken to anyone about my problems, and, truthfully, I never planned to.

“It’s not something I really speak of. Galaxy, I haven’t even told my own father everything.”

“I noticed you use galaxy as a swear word.”

“Kirk taught me to say galaxy instead of swearing in Vulcan.” I was grateful that she changed the subject.

“Well, that’s a bit of a coincidence, then.” Coincidences? I didn’t believe in them, personally.

“Oh? What do you mean?”

“The Enterprise D. It’s a Galaxy Class Starship.” I smiled.

“I guess Kirk taught me well.”

“Yes. Now, come on, you’re starving. Let’s get some food.”

“Oh, no, that’s ok,” I declined, trying to be as polite as I could. “I don’t normally eat on a very….regular basis.”

“Vanessa, everyone needs food eventually. Besides, everything’s free.” I knew that already, from the old Enterprise, but it didn’t change anything for me.

“I just….normally don’t eat much when I’m on Vulcan,” I admitted. A part of me wondered why I was opening up to someone I had just met. An  _ empath _ , to add another point. Empaths and telepaths had always hated me. So why was I opening up to one?

“Well, especially for Vulcans, that’s extremely unhealthy. Vulcans are a species that requires lots of food.” I knew that, but I would never actually admit it.

“That’s not what Natalie said. Well, she was human, after all. So I suppose she’d have said differently.” There was a little bit of a pause. Gaining my courage, I asked, “Deanna, can I ask you a question?”

“Yes?”

“What do you think of Captain Picard?” Mentally, I was ready to compare her opinion to my first impression. I wasn’t fully sure how I felt about Picard yet, and I was curious to see how others viewed him.

“Well, I think he is a very strong and wise leader. Why do you ask?”

“I’m not sure how to feel about him, honestly,” I answered truthfully. “A part of me wants to trust him, but at the same time….I don’t know.” I normally could figure most people out within a few minutes of meeting them, but not Picard. He was different, and neither the Human nor the Vulcan sides of my mind could figure it out.

“Is it because he’s different from Kirk?”

“No, I don’t think so. I was basically raised with Kirk as my uncle, but that’s not it. With Captain Picard….I’m not sure how to explain it.”

“What do you feel is off about him?”

“I just….” I was trying to figure out how to word my thoughts. “He seems welcoming, but at the same time I don’t….feel like I can trust him yet.” A part of me, probably the Human side, was nervous to hear Deanna’s response.

“Trust me, Vanessa, he may be an extreme rule follower, but he cares more about his crew than anything.”

“I can tell that he cares about all of you. That’s one way he’s like Kirk.”

“Yes, but the Captain would rather solve problems with diplomacy, rather than punching it.” A couple thoughts of Kirk “resolving problems” came into my mind. I smiled.

“I, on the other hand, am not a very good diplomat.”

“I’ve read,” Deanna responded, smiling.

“I’d rather listen than have to negotiate. It’s so much easier.”

“Yes, well, Picard has a knack for diplomacy.”

“I can tell. When I first met him, he seemed very much like a diplomat. He’s very….keen with rules, isn’t he?” It was far too obvious that Picard played things by the book, not imagination. My imagination, on the other hand, was a little….well, that’s a different story.

“Yes.”

“Well, he might not like me very much, then.” Rules and I had stopped getting along years ago. Regulation, on the other hand, was a different story.

“No, he does,” Deanna replied. From our first conversation, I didn’t really believe that.

“I’m not so sure about that,” I said.

“I talked to him telepathically, before we went down.” I slightly hesitated. I didn’t want to ask too many questions, but I was curious at the same time. “He thinks you’ve been through a lot, that you deserve a second chance and that you’re a good kid.” I went quiet. I knew that Picard had most likely read through my file. I couldn’t think of a reason that he could possibly have to think that about me.

“I’m not sure how to feel,” I answered, admittance and neutrality filling my tone.

“Vanessa, he trusts you.” Both sides of my mind denied that immediately, and I was leaning towards believing one of them.

“I can’t find a reason why he should. I’ve honestly caused a lot of trouble over the years.”

“Vanessa, Picard wasn’t always a diplomat. He was once a rebellious kid in his youth, much like Kirk. But he once got into a fight, and his heart was punctured. He had to get a replacement heart, but he almost died. He was lucky that life gave him a second chance. That’s why he believes in you, because even he could become better.” My mind was processing the information slowly, as both sides of it were in near disbelief and shock.

“I….I had no idea,” I heard myself say.

“It’s alright, Vanessa.”

“Honestly, when he first invited me on the Enterprise, I had a feeling that it wasn’t just for a reunion with the ship. There was….a galaxy of a lot more to it.” Deanna nodded, but didn’t answer. I think that we both kind of knew what that meant. “How much does the rest of the crew know about me?” I asked carefully, my mind still going over everything Deanna had told me.

“Nothing. Only the Captain and the Senior staff know.”

“What about the one you like? I’m not sure what the name is, but I could feel that you like someone on the Enterprise, if you don’t mind me asking.” I somewhat wanted to move to a different topic, but a small part of the Vulcan side of my mind didn’t. I had sided with the Human side.

“Oh, you are very perceptive. Just between you and me, I’m very fond of Commander Riker. He’s the first officer.”

“What’s he like?” I asked, smiling.

“Well, in the simplest of terms, he’s like your Captain Kirk.”

“Then you certainly found a keeper.”

“Hm, yes.”

“What about Data? He reminds me of a Vulcan, but at the same time, he doesn’t.”

“Yes, he’s an android, but he was designed without emotion.”

“I like Data. There’s just something about him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not sure how to explain it, but something about Data just seems….familiar.” I randomly realized how many things that I either wasn’t sure how to feel about, or didn’t know how to explain.

“He reminds you of your father,” Deanna said. Her tone sounded like a question, but she was speaking with a statement.

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, he’s a good man.”

“I can tell.” There was a small moment of silence. “So….what do we do before we leave for Romulus?”

“We wait.”

“I’ve always found waiting to be quite tedious. That’s why Kirk started telling me to make up stories or think things over while I wait for something.”

“Yes, well, here we can do a lot of things. Like we could always talk to Guinan.”

“And who might that be?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“She’s the bartender here, but she’s a refugee. She’s lived longer than anyone here.”

“Oh, interesting.” There was yet another slight pause. “Deanna, do you think your crew will like me here?”

“Yes, very much.”

“Picard said that if I complete this mission with you, he’ll give me my spot on the Enterprise back. I’m not sure if anyone would take me seriously, though.”

“Vanessa, just because people don’t know you, doesn’t mean people don’t know the stories of the redheaded Vulcan.” Deanna smiled, looking at my hair for a few seconds. The hair certainly was a trademark, along with the eyes.

“It’s just that, normally, when people expect to meet me, they expect….not a fifteen year old Vulcan.” Technically, I was a galaxy of a lot older than fifteen, but physically, mentally, and emotionally I still was. The joys of radiation exposure.

“Well, you may look fifteen, but you just need to show the crew.”

“Do you think they’ll make me wear the uniform?” Deanna started smiling, also as if she expected the question. “Kirk never made me, since I didn’t technically have a rank on the Enterprise.”

“As lieutenant, yes, but I know a place where you could spice up your outfit.” I smiled my trademark smile.

“We’ll see what I can do.”

“Good.”

“When will I get to meet the other crew members?”

“We can meet some in a little bit.”

“That would be perfect.”


	4. Feminism at its Finest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa meets Commander Riker, just not in the way that was expected or hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, made Riker a little bit of an a-hole. For anyone who's confused on who Vulcy, Human and Middle are, Vanessa's mildly schizophrenic. Everything will be explained in good time. Btw language/sexism warning

_Vanessa_

Deanna left after a little while, telling me just to stay in Ten Forward. I sat by the window in the furthest corner. I had ordered a small strawberry drink with half a shot of vodka in it. I was technically old enough and I didn’t typically drink more than that. It wasn’t exactly my favorite, but I still just dealt with it. I could hear some guys laughing loudly a little less than halfway across the room. I looked over at them, curiosity getting the better of me. A young baby-faced man with brown hair was sitting at a table with a couple of Ensigns. He was wearing a red uniform, instantly telling me that he was part of the bridge staff or was on a bridge rotation shift. I turned back around, slightly listening to what he was saying.

“They’re all over me,” he said. Women. He was talking about women. “It seems to be all just in their genes. I’m everyone’s type.” He was beginning to talk about women in a very sexist manner. I was starting to get very annoyed. No man had the right to talk about women so condescendingly.

“ _ Don’t get involved. Don’t you dare get involved _ ,” Vulcy warned.

“ _ Why not? He’s being an ass _ ,” Human argued. I was trying just to keep a straight face and finish my drink.

“And I can do whatever I want with them,” the guy commented. That was it. That was the last straw. I finished off the drink with one swing and started walking towards the guy’s table.

“Oh, so women are just your toys?” I said, catching his attention.

“And who exactly are you?” he asked.

“If men can do whatever they want with ‘them’, then that just makes men the sex toys of women. Men can be so much more easily manipulated and, oh, women also have been able to achieve even more than men on most planets, like learn how to get revenge without evidence. So maybe the next time you consider women inferior, you should remember that she’s not  _ your _ toy, you’re simply  _ hers _ .” I walked away from that table, straight out of Ten Forward. I was mentally embarrassed, while also still annoyed. Vulcans didn’t talk about…. _ it _ . “Asshole,” I muttered under my breath. I wondered a little about who that guy was. “ _ Damn you, Human, I hope you’re happy _ ,” I thought to the mindsets. I could feel her grinning like the idiot she was.

“ _ We all won _ ,” she answered.

“ _ Knowing our luck, he was a major Starfleet Admiral or something _ .”

“ _ Maybe _ .”

“ _ I hope we never see him again _ .”

“ _ Agreed _ .” Vulcy and Middle were just flat out ignoring us at this point, which Human and I deserved completely.

“Hey there, friend!” a girl’s voice called from behind me. I turned. An engineering Ensign with brown hair was walking towards me.

“Um, hi. Who are you?”

“Oh, that’s not really important, but you know who you said all that to, right?”

“That asshole back there? No, I don't know him.” The girl didn’t look hesitant in approaching me, but she didn’t seem like she was there to make friends, either.

“That ‘asshole’ is the first officer of this ship; Commander William Riker. He’s the second highest ranking official in all the crew.” I could feel the blood completely drain from my face. The mindsets exchanged wide-eyed glances.

“You’re….you’re kidding?” I managed to say. Picard was going to kill me. Picard was absolutely guaranteed going to kill me.

“Yes, I am.” I did a double take, very confused.

“Wait, so you  _ are  _ kidding?”

“Yeah, no, you’re screwed.” The Ensign gave me two pats on the shoulder and walked away. I stood there for a second, just in shock.

“Crap, crap, crap,” I muttered to myself.

“ _ We’re screwed _ ,” Middle squeaked.

“ _ I told you not to do it _ ,” Vulcy said, with a very matter-of-fact tone.

“Galaxy. Picard’s going to kill me. Picard’s going to kill me.”

“ _ How do we fix this? We can’t just go back and apologize, especially after what  _ he  _ said about women _ ,” Middle asked. I checked the time really quickly, only to realize that I had ten minutes to get to the bridge. I could feel the small amount of color that was left in my face completely drain.

Ten minutes had passed and I nervously made my way up to the bridge.

“Okay, okay, just calm down,” I told myself, standing in the middle of the turbolift. The mindsets were quiet, until Human broke their silence.

“ _ WE’RE SCREWED _ ,” she yelled.

“ _ Really? Wow _ ,” Vulcy replied with sarcastic neutrality. I could feel a migraine coming on, adding to my misery. “ _ We’re done for, my friends _ .”

“ _ Okay, nothing can be as bad as that civil war we started four years ago _ ,” I tried to reason with myself.

“ _ Yes, it could be _ ,” Middle said. “ _ I’m just going to check out into the office for now _ .” Middle shut the door to the Memory Box Office before I could argue.

“ _ We’re screwed! Picard will turn us into Starfleet and we’re going to die in prison! _ ” Human cried, physically beginning to cry.

“ _ Great, then I’d have to die listening to you, Middle and Vanessa _ ,” Vulcy responded.

“ _ Vulcy, what the  _ hell  _ are you talking about? I’d have to die listening to the three of you and mindless Starfleet people _ ,” I thought.

“ _ Yay, fun _ ,” she replied with the same sarcastic neutrality. The turbolift doors opened and I did my best to keep the neutral mask on. Picard wasn’t on the bridge, but Deanna was. I took the seat next to her, not saying anything. Human was still panicked, Vulcy was neutral, and Middle….was still in the office.

“Hello, Vanessa,” Deanna greeted.

“Hi, Deanna.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m okay.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“ _ Human, don’t you dare _ ,” Vulcy warned. Human had an unusual monotone expression. My head was beginning to hurt even more than before.

“You don’t feel anxious or anything?”

“No, I’m fine,” I lied.

“ _ Human…. _ ” Human kept her neutrality.

“Oh, well, that’s good.” I nodded in response.

“ _ Human, I swear _ .” My head was beginning to pound and hurt more and more.

“That’s very good, actually.”

“Yes, it is.”

“How have you been doing here, so far?”

“I’ve just been around the ship, that’s all, and then come back here when I’m told to.”

“ _ Human…. _ ”

“Oh, alright.”

“ _ Human, don’t do it. Don’t do it _ .” My head was beginning to throb, to the point where it almost seemed like the throbbing could be heard. Human was going to break. The turbolift doors opened, causing Deanna and me to turn. The color drained from my face again and the headache intensified exponentially. Riker entered the bridge and his eyes went straight to me. There was complete silence for a few moments, until Human finally broke and started to cry.

“Hi, Riker. Have you met Vanessa?” Deanna greeted. No, no, no.

“ _ Human, no, no, no, don’t cry. It’s okay, calm down _ .”

“ _ HE’S GOING TO SEND US TO PRISON _ ,” Human shrieked, while still crying.

“ _ Human, it’s okay, don’t cry _ .”

“ _ HE’S GOING TO TURN US INTO STARFLEET AND PUT US IN PRISON AND I’M GOING TO DIE WITH YOU GUYS LISTENING TO MINDLESS STARFLEET PEOPLE _ ,” Human continued to cry.

“ _ Human, no, it won’t happen, I promise it won’t happen _ .”

“ _ I DON’T WANT TO DIE! NOT YET! NOT WITH YOU GUYS!” _ There was a pause.

“ _ Gee, thanks _ ,” Vulcy answered, adding her sarcastic neutralness.

“Hi, Deanna,” Riker replied to her. He was staring at me. My head felt like it was about to explode.

“ _ Human, it’s speaking, you need to stay calm _ ,” Vulcy tried to reason with Human.

“ _ WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE _ ,” Human cried in response. I was ready to slam my head into a wall.

“How are you doing, Will?” Deanna asked.

“Oh, I’m fine, thanks,” he answered, still looking at me.

“ _ Human _ ….”

“ _ I DON’T WANT TO DIE LISTENING TO OLD GUYS IN STUPID UNIFORMS!” _ Vulcy almost began to laugh, but still kept her neutrality. I was ready to vomit and slam my head against the wall until I blacked out. I was not, in the slightest, okay. Human continued to cry, as Vulcy managed a pathetic smile. I couldn’t handle it anymore.

“ _ Just shut up _ !” I said out loud. As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized that I had spoken out loud. I immediately moved past Riker as fast as I could and rushed into the turbolift before anyone could react.


	5. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa meets Dr. Crusher and learns the fate of Captain Kirk from Guinan.

_Vanessa_

I shut myself in the room and turned all the lights off. I sat in a corner and pulled my knees close to my chest, keeping my eyes closed. My head felt like it was about to explode, and it made me feel more sick than I had been in a galaxy of a long time. Light and sound made my head hurt even more. I was in that same position for a galactically long while, until the door beeped.

“It’s open,” I said quietly. The figure of a woman walked in, the room temporarily being illuminated, but then everything was dark again.

“Hello, Vanessa. My name is Doctor Beverly Crusher. Is something wrong?” I nodded, not looking up.

“Okay, sweetheart. What seems to be the matter?”

“My head,” I replied quietly.

“Alright. I need you to sit up so I can get some readings.” I slowly lifted my head up, my eyes barely half open. I felt as if I was being caught in the vacuum of space, pressure building up against my head. “Alrighty, then.” Doctor Crusher scanned my head with a small medical tricorder. “Well, I haven’t seen a case like this in awhile.” I opened my eyes a little bit more, mostly because she had gotten my attention. “You have a migraine.”

“Oh. I though it was worse.” My mind was instantly yelling at me, how I should’ve known that it was just a migraine. Just a really really really galactic bad migraine.

“No, sweetheart, but it will feel worse to you than any human or Vulcan.”

“Because I’m both at the same time?”

“No, because you’re partially an empath.” I immediately went quiet. “Vanessa, honey, listen. In some ways, being an empath can be bad, but, take it from me, it can also be better. And, as your current doctor, I order you to talk to Counselor Troi. I promise she will help you through this.” I hesitated to respond. When I finally did, my voice was weak, stripped of basically any confidence or strength.

“Does the Captain know?”

“Does he know what?”

“Does he know that….I’m here?” My voice was running out of anything it had left.

“What do you mean?”

“Nevermind. It was a stupid question,” I immediately retreated. I shouldn’t have said anything that would’ve turned personal. I should’ve stayed quiet.

“Vanessa, honey, I know you have some trust issues, but you need to tell us, too. We’re all here for you.” I hesitated yet again, both sides of my mind telling me not to say anything.

“It’s just….does the Captain know that I’m here just….sitting in the dark like this?” I could feel myself shrinking. Why did I care? Why did I care what he thought? What was the point?

“Vanessa, sweetheart, only I know and it’s okay. You might be a hundred years old or not, but right now you’re a fifteen year old girl at heart. The Captain cares about his crew, which includes you now, which is why he sent me to check on you.”

“He….he’s the one that sent you?” For a random moment, I remembered how long it had been since I had been on a starship.

“Yes.” There was a pause.

“Oh,” I finally answered.

“Vanessa, you’re part of our crew now and our crew is a family. No one will forget about you.” I wasn’t even technically part of the crew. Not yet, at least, but they were already treating me like I was.

“It’s….different from when I was under Kirk’s command. I knew everyone, but now….it’s like starting all over.”

“I know it is, but don’t worry about that. Now, take this and that migraine will go away.”

“Okay. Thank you, Doctor.”

“Now, once it goes away, I’m taking you to the holodeck.” I wasn’t exactly sure what a holodeck was. I had never heard of it before.

“Oh, okay.”

A long while had passed, but the migraine eventually did fade away.

“Alright, Vanessa, come on. I want to show you something,” Doctor Crusher told me.

“Okay?” I replied, following her. We entered the turbolift and moved down two decks. Dr. Crusher led me out of the turbolift.

“Okay, Vanessa, I want to show you something.”

“What is it?” I asked, slightly hesitant.

“You’ll see. Holodeck, prepare program.”

“Program already in use,” the computer answered.

“Well, who’s using it?”

“Guinan,” the computer replied. I remembered the name immediately.

“Um….what exactly is happening?” I worked up the courage to ask. “I’m a little confused.”

“Someone’s using the holodeck, but let’s go meet her.”

“Oh, okay then.” The holodeck door opened and a woman stepped out of it. The woman seemed familiar, yet I knew that I had never met her before. She wore bright purple, a color that I knew had once been associated with royalty, but it wasn’t anymore.

“Hello, Guinan,” Dr. Crusher greeted.

“Oh, Beverly, hello,” the woman replied. Her gaze drifted to me. “Is that Vanessa?” she asked Dr. Crusher.

“Yes, it is,” Dr. Crusher replied, stepping slightly behind me so that I could be seen a little more. It reminded me of what Uncle Kirk used to do when he had me meet new people. I guess it was a parent thing or something.

“As I live and breathe, how are you?” Guinan asked me.

“I’m alright,” I answered. I could hear the hesitation in my voice, and I was trying desperately not to let my social awkwardness kick in.

“Oh, don’t worry, Vanessa, I’m not bad, I promise.” I went into an instant mental panic.

“I figured that,” I replied awkwardly.

“I was going to show Vanessa something, but if this holodeck is in use-” Dr. Crusher began to say.

“Oh, no, please tell me and I’ll set it up.” The sides of my mind were completely frozen, none of them knowing what to do at that moment. Dr. Crusher whispered something to Guinan, causing her to smile. “Good choice.” I looked between the two, slightly confused and not quite sure what to do.

“Vanessa, close your eyes for a second,” Dr. Crusher told me.

“Okay?” I said unsurely. I slowly closed my eyes.

“Computer, start program 001071,” Guinan ordered. A few seconds passed.

“Vanessa, are you ready?”

“I suppose so,” I responded.

“Open your eyes.” I slowly opened my eyes, and the moment I did, they went wide. I was on a bridge that I knew far too well. It was the bridge of the original Enterprise. The NCC-1701. No letter at the end or anything. I was back…. _home_.

“Oh my galaxy,” I heard myself say.

“Vanessa, I believe you know this ship,” Guinan spoke.

“Quite well, I memorized it. It’s the Enterprise NCC-1701. Galaxy.” I cautiously stepped further onto the bridge, towards the right side of Uncle Kirk’s chair, closer to where my father’s chair used to be.

“I know it’s not the original, but this holodeck can show you anything.” I stared in awe of how similar-no, how _exact_ -the ship was to the original. I just stared around the bridge, probably looking like an idiot. I looked straight at my father’s chair.

“That chair, over there, was where my father would work,” I said. I looked behind me just a little bit. “And over there is where Uhura was.” I looked back towards the bridge’s main viewing window, staring at the control consoles. “And there’s Sulu and Chekov’s places.” The two women were smiling like it was Christmas morning. I had a feeling that they expected this reaction, but I certainly didn’t.

“It seems you have fond memories of this ship,” Dr. Crusher responded, stepping over and standing next to me. I smiled.

“These were the best years of my life.”

“ _Before the radiation incident_ ,” I heard Vulcy mutter in my head. I immediately tuned her out.

“I know it’s gone now, but you can always visit here.”

“I actually pulled pieces from it when it went under construction. I saved some of the controls,” I told her, not really sure why I was bringing it up.

“Really?”

“It was galactically difficult, but, in the end, yes I did and I believe they’re back on Vulcan.” I wasn’t fully sure why I was saying all of this, but I had a feeling that Human had something to do with it.

“Well, then, is there anywhere is you’d like to visit?” I probably could’ve answered that in a million different ways.

“Could it show me….home?” I asked.

“Yes, it can. Ask the computer.”

“Computer? Can you show me….my home?”

“Acknowledged,” the digital voice responded. Within a few seconds, my house was in our sight, as we were now surrounded by the environment of the planet Vulcan.

“So that’s your home?” Dr. Crusher asked.

“Yes. It’s the one place in all the galaxies that shocks me every time I see it.” I’ll admit, my house was quite immense, and the intricate detail added to it being quite a sight, particularly if the sun was positioned just right above it.

“Has it changed since the last time you left?” Guinan spoke.

“Not in the slightest,” I replied with a smile.

“Well, Vanessa, the computer can also show people,” Dr. Crusher added.

“Can it….can it show my mother and father?” I asked hesitantly, hoping it wasn’t an idiotic question.

“Yes.”

“Together?”

“Yes. Just ask away.”

“Computer? Can you show….my mother and father together?” I asked.

“Acknowledged,” the computer responded. The two of them appeared within a second. My mother looked young, and her hair was bright red, like mine. Her eyes were green and she had noticeable freckles. She wore an amber colored, floor length dress, which looked even brighter in the sun. She and my dad were further away from us, where they’d only notice us if we called out to them. My dad was….he was….

“Those are your parents, Vanessa,” Guinan was the first to speak.

“My mother….I look like her and dad….dad’s smiling,” I managed to say, getting tripped up on my words.

“You do look like her, and your father would smile on occasion.” I knew that to be true, but it had just been so long that I had basically forgotten the smile existed.

“I haven’t seen that smile in….galaxy, in years,” I replied, starting to grin, remembering the last time I saw that smile.

“You can always see it here, if you want,” Dr. Crusher told me. I turned around to face both of the women standing behind me.

“Thank you,” I heard myself say.

“We’re always here for you, Vanessa. Now, I must get going, I have a patient coming in. Guinan, will you stay with her?”

“Of course I will, Beverly.” I watched Dr. Crusher leave. Guinan turned to me. “Come follow me,” she said. The image of my home that surrounded us disappeared, and I began to follow Guinan through the door. We walked for a little bit, in near silence, when we entered Ten Forward, which I recognized from earlier with Deanna. She motioned for me to sit down at one of the tables, which I did. She sat down across from me. “Vanessa,” Guinan began, “I know this won’t seem like much, but I am so very sorry.”

“ _YELLOW ALERT! YELLOW ALERT!_ ” Human started screeching in my head. I forced myself to ignore her.

“No, please, don’t apologize. Let me say thank you. Thank you so much for this,” I told her. For a minute, Guinan looked conflicted, as if she were choosing, mentally, what her next words were going to be.

“No,” she answered, walking over to where I was standing. “It’s for something else, that I’m apologizing.” My mind went into a mental panic.

“ _RED ALERT! RED ALERT! RED ALERT!_ ” Human continued to screech. I hoped that either Vulcy or Middle would calm the alert down quickly.

“Oh,” I replied somewhat awkwardly. “What are you um apologizing for?”

“ _Sure, that wasn’t a totally awkward response_ ,” Vulcy sarcastically muttered. I forced myself to ignore my minds immediately. I couldn’t afford them to keep clearing off my train of thought and I really couldn’t afford them to make my social awkwardness fully kick in.

“Vanessa, I’m one of the reasons Captain Kirk died.” Time stopped. Time stopped right at that moment. I had lost both Bones and….and now Uncle Kirk too? The minds went silent, and I didn’t have the courage to bring them back yet. My chest grew tight and it was just a little difficult to breathe.

“What….you….what do you mean?” I managed to bring myself to say.

“Do you know how he died?”

“No, my father didn’t….” _Tell me._ My father didn’t tell me. I knew that Uncle Kirk was….was….gone, but….my father didn’t….he didn’t tell me.

“Captain Kirk died saving the Enterprise B from a temporal nexus.”

“I’m not sure what that is.”

“It’s an energy ripple, or hand, through space.” I stiffened a little, Human already flooding my mind with irrational thoughts.

“My father hasn’t told me anything, nothing at all,” I heard myself say.

“My home world was attacked by a race called the Borg. They destroyed our homes and our civilization. I was one of 2,000 people that survived. Over the following years, that number would go down to 300. One day, we were flying, and got caught in that same temporal nexus. Now, Captain Kirk was onboard the Enterprise B to see it off, since he no longer had command of the starship when the Enterprise B got to us. Forty seven people were saved, and I was one of them, but the Enterprise B got caught in the ripple, so Captain Kirk went down to activate a tachyon beam from the dish of the ship. A stray energy pulse completely destroyed where the Captain was, but he saved the ship and my species. That’s how Captain Kirk died.” There was complete silence for a few minutes. I was trying to form thoughts, let alone words.

“ _Can I step in_?” Middle mentally asked, very quietly. I didn’t respond, but chose to let her take the lead and help me out a little bit.

“He always said he would go down helping someone,” I said. “He always said that it was better to save others than to save yourself. I never thought it would actually happen.” My voice ended my last sentence in a way that made it seem incomplete.

“I’m sorry, Vanessa, that you were never told, and I’m sorry I was one of the forty seven reasons why he died, but he saved my species from extinction.” Middle handed the mental control over to me, since I knew exactly what I wanted to say.

“I don’t blame you,” I told her. “I don’t blame you in the slightest. I just….wish I could’ve said goodbye.”

“Your father said the same thing at his funeral.”

“My father didn’t even tell me he….attended the funeral.” I was beginning to question how much I really didn’t know.

“Your father might not have shown it, but because of Kirk, they brought Spock back to life when he died.” I knew that much was true. I was there when it happened. “Losing Kirk was the one time I ever saw Spock cry.” My dad….dad _never_ cried.

“I’m not quite sure what to say,” I replied truthfully.

“All I’m saying is that I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” There was a pause.

“I have a feeling that the two of us will grow to become friends.” I managed a small smile.

“I think maybe we’re already there,” I answered, hoping I was saying the right thing. Guinan smiled at me.

“I do too. Now, come on, don’t be down. It’s a beautiful day out here in space. What’s your favorite drink?”

“If we were on Vulcan, I would tell you, since the age limit is lower there, but I’m not completely sure what the Captain’s alcohol age is,” I replied, beginning to smile. To be fair, I was technically old enough to drink. Radiation exposure did occasionally have some benefits.

“Vanessa, considering how old you _really_ are, what’s your favorite drink?” Guinan smiled at me, and suddenly I felt comfortable in her presence, and I didn’t feel awkward. I could feel my mindsets beginning to come back.

“It’s a mix of whiskey and scotch,” I admitted.

“Well, never order one from the replicators, they’re awful, but I make them fresh from the bar here in Ten Forward. Come on, I’ll get you one.” I smiled.

“Brilliant.”


	6. Captain's Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa wanders off and there is a very tense discussion between her and her new Captain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tense. I guess you could say angsty? Idk, up to you. Kinda short

_ Data _

We did not know where she snuck off to. We asked Guinan, but to no avail. The Captain did not want her sneaking around the ship, so he had let out a shipwide alert for her. It took about two hours, until our chief engineer Geordi La’forge found her in engineering. Apparently, she traveled from the bar through the air ducts to engineering. That is how she was not seen by any of the staff on board.

“Captain,” I called.

“Yes, Commander?” the Captain answered.

“We have detained the girl.”

“Good. I’ll be on my way. Worf, you’re with me. Number One, you have the bridge.”

_ Vanessa _

“I remember working down here in engineering back when I was on the Enterprise,” I explained to Geordi La’forge. He was nice, and I assumed him to be chief engineer. He wore a visor, due to being blind, but I found the visor to be fascinating.

“Yeah, but this is a lot more advanced and a lot different,” Geordi replied.

“It can’t be  _ that _ different. Besides, my father’s been showing me how to work with newer technology since it was invented.”

“Yeah, but this ship is state of the art, the most advanced ship in the fleet.”

“It was too when I was on board. Scotty used to show me how to work everything and a couple times he let me help him hot wire the ship.” Geordi looked at me, surprise spreading across his face.

“You met Scotty?” he asked with disbelief.

“Of course,” I said, smiling my trademark smile. “He was one of my best friends.”

“What was he like? I’ve always wanted to meet him.”

“He’s….” I laughed a little bit. “He’s fantastic and he’s funny and he almost always knew what to do to help the ship.”

“I wish I could’ve met him, but instead, he got lost in space and was never seen again.” That hurt. My father never told me what happened to Scotty. I hadn’t even been back on the Enterprise that long and I had already learned three of the fates of my former friends.

“Oh. I honestly didn’t know that. My father never told me. But I know that if you had met him, you two would’ve been great friends.” I managed a smile. I always had to look on the bright side of life.

“That would’ve been nice, but now I’m the chief engineer and it’s my duty to keep this ship running.”

“You seem to be doing a phenomenal job.”

“It’s tough work. Who knows, maybe you could work here one day.”

“That’s what Scotty used to say.”

“Well, then he was right.” I smiled my trademark smile, adding a small laugh.

“Do you want to see anything or-” he was cut off by Picard and Worf entering the room. “Oh no.” This was going to be fun. I smiled my trademark smile.

“Hi, Captain,” I said cheerfully.

“You have really gotten on my nerves. I give you a second chance and you sneak off unnoticed into the strongest ship in the fleet. I have to report this to Starfleet. I don’t think there is anything I can do to keep them from affecting you now.” I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes. Picard sounded just like my father and it was a little annoying to think of.

“I don’t find it to be that big of a deal,” I replied.

“Vanessa, I realize that you don’t age that fast, but they have given your sentence for your prosecution.” I mentally panicked in Vulcan.

“It’s not like I tried to leave the ship,” I said, trying to cover up the mental panic.

“Vanessa, their sentence is 250 years.” I instantly had a feeling that I would be hearing from my father soon.

“That’s less than what I thought they’d say.” I was admitting the truth, but I wasn’t sure if I really should have said it.

“Vanessa, that’s without sneaking around the ship. They can raise it to life penalty. They can consider you a traitor.” They already did. I paused, then breaking eye contact with Picard.

“It wasn’t my fault,” I replied, somewhat quieter.

“I know, but they don’t see that.”

“You don’t even know why they’re giving me that sentence,” I snapped, just without an insulting tone.

“No, I know very well.” I wondered how much Picard really knew. “But I don’t have the authority to discuss it with you.” Picard sounded so much like my father that it was getting  _ extremely  _ annoying to me. I didn’t need another person to constantly tell me that they couldn’t tell me. I let my eyes start to narrow.

“Really? You seem to have every authority over me.” I knew that my tone was getting a little snippy.

“I don’t like your tone of voice. I am Captain of this ship and since you are a technical prisoner on board my ship. I have every authority over you, but I am trying to keep you safe.” I mentally cursed in Vulcan. That’s exactly how my father would’ve reacted. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like that Picard was reminding me of my father. There was a pause.

“I think it would be better for both of us if I stopped talking,” I finally said.

“I think it would,” Picard agreed. “Now, go to your quarters. I’ll speak with Starfleet about this, then I will come to you. Is that understood?” I didn’t feel like arguing anymore, since that’s what my father and I did most nights. Starfleet overreacted about everything. I started walking away. “Vanessa, I will try my best to talk to them.”

“They won’t listen. They never do,” I responded, not facing Picard.

“They haven’t talked to the likes of a Picard.” I didn’t answer and kept walking. “Ugh, why are children so hard?” I heard the Captain ask Worf.

“She is technically not a child, sir,” Worf replied. In years, no, I wasn’t a child, but cognitively and physically, I still was. I hadn’t aged mentally at all. Even though I had gained new knowledge throughout the years, I still had, what would be considered, a child’s optimism. My IQ was extremely high, but that was all I really had going for me.

“Yes, that may be true, but she has never had the chance to grow up.”

“Why should I?” I muttered to myself. Why should I grow up? Growing up had gotten me nowhere in the past years. It took a kid’s mindset to get out of many situations.

“Because being a child forever will get you nowhere Vanessa,” Picard said, hearing my comment. “At some point, there has to be development. Even if it’s a little to show that you are worthy of holding your title.” I finally turned around to face Picard. I wasn’t sure if I was annoyed or mad or both.

“You of all people should know that I don't have a title anymore. In fact, I never did.”

“Yes, you did, Vanessa; the Vulcan girl who gave a damn.”

“Not according to Starfleet or the galactic Federation,” I replied in a slightly snippy tone.

“No, not to them, but to all of us.” I was tired of arguing. It wasn’t getting us anywhere. I turned away and started walking. “Vanessa, even now I’m not giving up hope on you.”

“Why?” I asked quietly. “I’ve caused you nothing but trouble since the start.”

“Because you and I have a lot more in common than you think.” I paused, slightly biting my lower lip, which I knew would quickly start to bleed. “Now, please, go to your quarters.”

“Yes, sir,” I quietly responded, not making eye contact with Picard. I started walking. I caught the end of Picard and Worf’s conversation, though.”

“Captain, wasn’t she known as the Vulcan with opinions?”

“Yes, but I like to believe it differently.”


	7. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa and Picard talk about the earlier occurrence, with information about Vanessa's life being revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extremely tense. Hurt/comfort. Air vents part was meant as a filler. Trigger warnings, PTSD flashbacks, trust issues, etc.

_Vanessa_

My small quarters were completely silent. I had no music playing, and no other sound going. I knew that I had screwed up, and my mind was fighting with me for doing so. I looked up when the door beeped.

“It’s open,” I said softly. Picard entered the room, causing me to look away from the door.

“Are you...are you alright?” It sounded like he was choosing his words carefully.

“I suppose so,” I answered with the same caution.

“I talked with Starfleet about this matter and when I did, they called for your immediate arrest,” Picard explained, taking a seat across from me at the table I was sitting at. I looked down.

“I’m not surprised,” I admitted.

“But,” Picard continued, causing me to look up. “I talked with Starfleet. I even pleaded with them to give you one more chance, with all the power I have in Starfleet. You have been given one more chance, the mission with Deanna. But Starfleet’s rule is that you must follow regulations from now on.” I looked back down, feeling extremely guilty with myself.

“I don’t deserve it,” I said.

“Don’t say that. Everyone deserves a second chance. Even the young rebellious me did when I almost got myself killed.” I remembered Deanna telling me about that, but I knew that I couldn’t let Picard know that.

“You did?” I looked up.

“Yes.” I paused for a second, then made up my mind. “My father was like you,” I started. “He still is. He always said that rules were meant to be followed. But Kirk always told me that rules were sometimes meant to be broken. Ever since then, rules and I haven’t gotten along very well.”

“Vanessa, that was a different time. Now, the Federation is at peace, and there are times for that, but right now more than ever we must have our rules.”

“Nothing good for me ever came from following rules. Even when the Enterprise was in grave danger, I had to break rules to make sure we didn’t get killed. I’m falling to see how anything has changed.”

“Because, Vanessa, now more than ever we are at danger for war and even when breaking rules is important, you need to also follow them and be an example for those who don’t know anything about being a leader.”

“There’s no one who would ever look up to me as a leader. Me, a runaway Vulcan who does nothing but break rules because she wants someone to notice her and actually maybe pay attention to her when she says that it wasn’t her fault and she did nothing wrong against Starfleet, even though they’re accusing her of the wrong thing.” I wasn’t sure if I was in control of what I was saying, at that point.

“That’s exactly why they will look up to you. Because they know that you’ve experienced things they have experienced.”

“No. They don’t. No one knows what I’ve been through. Not you, not my father, not Kirk. Not even the bastard Natalie married.”

“No, we don’t, but, more than anyone, that makes you more human than the rest of us. People look for that in a leader; someone who has experienced something so bad that they have become stronger. You may not know it, but you have.” I went quiet. Vulcy knew he was right, but Human kept denying it. “People will look up to you, Vanessa. You’re stronger than you realize.” I paused for a second.

“Kirk used to say the same thing,” I replied, my voice getting somewhat weaker.

“That’s why he captained the Enterprise.”

“And now that job has been given to you.”

“I got the job because I did something with my second chance and now it’s time for you to do something with yours.” It was quiet again for a few seconds.

“Okay,” I said softly. Picard moved to hug me, which immediately sent both sides of my mind into a red alert panic mode. I shifted away, feeling my heart start to speed up. I needed to keep my mind calm, and keep it at a yellow alert.

“Vanessa, we all need to learn to know each other.” My mind went straight back to red alert, as Picard moved to try to hug me again. I moved away again, this time a little bit farther. My heart had sped up, and I knew that I needed it to calm down.

“Captain, if by some miracle I do end up back on this ship,” I tried to change the topic quickly, “there’s simply one rule I can’t follow.”

“Oh? What is it?” Gathering all the strength I had, I looked Picard straight in the eyes.

“There is no way, in any of the galaxies, that you can make me wear those uniforms.” I had told Kirk the exact same thing. I wondered if I’d get the same reaction. Picard smiled, as if he were about to laugh.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to. In my opinion, they suck.” I got the same reaction that I did from Kirk. Human and Middle internally smiled, while the Vulcy found nothing amusing about it. I managed a smile.

“That’s what Kirk used to say.”

“That’s why he was a good captain and he would be so proud of you.” My smile faded, as past memories flooded my mind.

“Maybe,” I replied.

“He would, Vanessa. So would your father. And your mother.” My hand slowly curled into a fist, which was slightly noticeable.

“No. No, she wouldn’t be. She always said you have a voice, use it. I….I didn’t when….she wouldn’t be proud of me at all.”

“Vanessa, just because in a past experience you didn’t, doesn’t mean she wouldn’t be proud. I know for a fact that she would be proud to be your mother.” Within my mind, Human was arguing for dominance over Vulcy. But I let the Vulcan win this time.

“I apologize for a few minutes ago, Captain,” I said, letting my voice grow detached and somewhat emotionless, “When I kept trying to move away. I didn’t mean to seem rude, so I apologize.” I had broken eye contact with Picard. I just couldn’t bring myself to keep it. Vulcy had won temporarily, but I was letting Human gain ground.

“Vanessa, don’t. One thing about being a captain is don’t apologize because a crew needs their Captain, not someone to feel sorry for them.” Both sides had reached an agreement: to tell the truth.

“Captain, I’m apologizing because I….” I took a deep breath, “I want to trust you so much, I really do, but I can’t trust a man anymore. I can’t trust a man ever again.”

“You don’t have to. All I ask is that you consider this crew your family.” Memories were coming back, and neither sides of my mind were in control. My hand curled into a fist again. I moved to get up. Neither sides of my mind were in control, and both were fighting to get any type of control back. I wasn’t sure if I was even in control. Picard moved again to hug me. Instinctive reflexes caused me to move away, and I knew it was out of fear. My hands were shaking and I knew immediately that I wasn’t in control. Neither sides of my mind were in control, and neither knew what to do. I _needed_ to get control back. My hands were shaking and I couldn’t make them stop. My chest tightened and it was getting hard to breathe. “Vanessa, look at me,” Picard said. “You can no longer be hurt. Not anymore. None of us, _I_ won’t let anyone hurt you.” I couldn’t get control of my mind back. I couldn’t get control of _anything_ back. I knew that my eyes had probably glazed over from remembering everything. Every bad thing that had happened when I was still on Vulcan. I moved to where my back was against the wall, so no one could come up from behind me.

“Please leave,” I managed to say, my voice barely a whisper. I was starting to slide to the floor. I needed to feel physically small, where….it was easier to protect myself. Picard moved and held my shoulders, keeping me from falling. My mind felt like it was about to snap, completely break and shatter.

“Look at me. I promise, Vanessa, it won’t happen ever again because if anyone tried to, then they’d have to go through an engineer that can see in almost every light spectrum, a doctor who knows how to handle a gun, a counselor who knows some martial arts, a first officer who can defeat a Klingon, a Klingon who knows how to use a weapon, an android who is incredibly human and cares for everyone, and a Captain who will never give up on his crew. He can’t hurt you. Not anymore.” I was flashing between the present and the past. I could see everything that had happened in the past, but then it would flash to the present, then back to the past.

“It’s a flashback,” I managed to say, which sounded like a choked sob. And it kind of was. I wasn’t crying, but it was difficult to breathe and it felt like my throat was about to close up.

“I know, and we are right here.” Picard hugged me, and I didn’t move away. I was shaking, and I was about to break. I was mentally fighting one of the bloodiest wars in my mind to gain control back. I _needed_ control back. I needed to have my consciences back. “We are right here. Vanessa.” I was fighting back tears. I couldn’t cry, I just couldn’t. I was already vulnerable, and I couldn’t make myself any weaker.

“He hit me and he watched me and he….he….he hurt me,” I managed to say. My throat and chest felt tight, like they were closing up or being compressed.

“He won’t ever do it again.” At that point, I had completely lost the filter of what I was saying. The truth was just spilling out.

“Natalie didn’t believe me and I never told my father and I can’t sleep anymore and I tried to kill him and that’s why Starfleet’s after me, but I didn’t cause that explosion. I never did any of that. I was only there, but they didn’t believe me and I’ve been running and then I ended up running straight into you.”

“He nor Starfleet can hurt you now.” The sides of my mind had finally won their battle and gained their ground. I was getting control back. I was getting my senses and was only seeing the present. My chest and throat were beginning to feel less and less tight. My mind wasn’t in red alert panic mode anymore.

“I’m not a diplomat,” I finally gained my words. “I’m mostly likely to start a war. I don’t want that blood on my hands and I don’t know what I’ve been trying to do breaking rules. I don’t know if I want Starfleet to get involved and I don’t know if I’m better off here. I don’t know and I can’t live like that. I _need_ to know.” I was finally gaining sense in my words. My mind was regaining its strength.

“Vanessa, it was the senior staff’s decision for you to go on that mission. We all believe in you, but you need to believe in yourself. You can’t sit around and wait for someone to take pity on you. Life can be the worst, but you have to overcome that. I believe that, one day, you’ll be a great Starship Captain, probably with the Enterprise, but you need to show some confidence in yourself. Even if it’s only a little bit, there needs to be some.” I suddenly remembered something. Something that would be the equivalent to dropping a bombshell.

“That’s it. Oh my galaxy, that’s it. It would be here. Oh my galaxy.” I broke away from Picard, running out of the room. The sides of my mind had gained their ground, and both sides had confidence in their thinking and remembrance.

“What in the devil,” I heard Picard say. Even though I was almost down the hall, I could hear Picard talking to someone.

“She’s a very defiant one, isn’t she, Jean-Luc?” a voice asked.

“Yes, Q, she is indeed.”

“She reminds me of a young you. One who was more arrogant and rebellious.”

“Yes, well, I grew out of that.”

“Oh, yes. The most diplomatic man I’ve ever met. A man who’d rather write an essay than fire torpedoes.”

“Well, that’s why I’ve survived every encounter with you.”

“Yes, that is certainly true.” As I ran around a corner, there was one thing I had to wonder. Who in the hell was Q?

I skidded around a corner, reminding myself that there was only one more left corner to go before I reached what I was looking for.

“Vanessa, wait! Stop!” Picard yelled, running after me. I didn’t answer, and skidded around the last corner. “I swear, these children….” I stopped completely in front of a vent. Picard turned around the corner, to see me stopped and staring at the vent cover. “Vanessa, do _not_ go in there,” he warned. I immediately started unscrewing the vent cover. “Vanessa!” I didn’t respond and could barely reach the top screws, due to being 5 '3. Picard grabbed my arm. “Vanessa, what in the devil are you doing?” he questioned.

“I had friends on this ship during its construction,” I said, freeing my arm and reaching back towards the top screw. “ They hid things here for me.”

“Vanessa, there is nothing in those vents. They would have been found.” I ignored what he said, and tried harder to unscrew the cover. “Vanessa, there is nothing in there.”

“I’m telling you that there is,” I answered, managing to unscrew one of the four bolts.

“Vanessa, if there really is something, then let me have someone scan it.” Galaxy.

“No, Captain. They won’t know what they’re looking for.” I unscrewed a second bolt.

“Trust me, they will.”

“No, Captain, they won’t because the scanners shouldn’t pick it up.” I knew that wasn’t true, but I needed just a few more minutes to get the vent cover unscrewed.

“Then according to protocol, there is a dangerous substance on board. If the scanners can’t lock it up, it will have to be destroyed.” My mind instantly went to yellow alert. I couldn’t tell if Picard was bluffing, but at the same time….

“No, no, no. It’s not dangerous. I can’t let you destroy it.”

“Then let me scan for it first.” I unscrewed the third bolt and the vent cover fell. “Vanessa!” I peered down the air duct. It was dimly lit and reflective.

“It hasn’t changed a bit,” I muttered to myself.

“Vanessa,” Picard’s tone was sending a warning. 

“Five feet and four inches. That’s the exact location of where it is.”

“I’m going to scan in there first. Geordi, do a level five sweeping scan in air duct 9.57.”

“Copy that Captain,” Geordi’s voice replied. I paused for a second, and then started moving into the air duct. Picard wasn’t exactly paying attention, so I figured to hell with it. “Captain, there is an item five feet and four inches forward.”

“I guess you were right Vanes-” Picard suddenly noticed that I was already gone. I hit my arm while crawling. I cussed in Vulcan. “Oh my God, you kids.” I cussed in Vulcan again. I found the small covering of where the objects I needed were.I tried unscrewing it by hand, but ended up slightly cutting my finger. “Vanessa, did you find it?” Letting my Vulcan culture take over, I cussed loudly in Vulcan, from the sharp pain of my now bleeding finger. “Vanessa!” Picard scolded.

“Sorry, Captain, it’s a habit. I need a screwdriver, preferably immediately.”

“Alright, alright. Computer, create a screwdriver.” I wiped the blood from my finger onto my black leggings. “Here, Vanessa.” I moved to get a better angle of the cover. In the process, I hit my head. I cussed again in Vulcan.

“If I hit myself one more galactic time, I swear I’m-oh, thank you,” I said, realizing that I had the screwdriver I needed.

“You know, you don’t have to swear so much.”

“Captain, would you rather have me say it in a language everyone can understand?” I unscrewed the cover, letting the screws fall around my hair.

“Yes, actually.” I removed the cover, revealing the objects.

“I have it!”

“What is it?” I threw the screwdriver out of the vent, along with the two objects: a small pocket watch and a long piece of paper. “I don’t even want to know.” The pocket watch had the Federation and Starfleet symbols.

“Give me a minute,” I said, crawling out of the vent.

“What is this?”

“That paper is the answer to the mission,” I explained, getting my feet back on the floor. Picard handed me the paper. “My father told me about the negotiations. I started writing this. It’s a rough draft of a treaty.”

“What negotiations?”

“For the mission. The Romulans are ere to negotiate to see what they can get.”

“How did he know of this and how did you start writing it? How is this possible if your friends left it?”

“It’s a long story and it includes a lot of money, let’s say that.” I had to avoid specifics, just to keep a few certain people safe.

“Vanessa, we don’t bribe people.”

“This was a while ago and it was a job.” I could tell Picard was getting confused.

“Vanessa, you need to explain right now.”

“Vulcan was attacked because my father knew what the Romulans wanted. He had me start writing negotiations. When Vulcan was attacked, I had my friend hide them here on the Enterprise.”

“Oh.” I suddenly notice the small glimmer in Picard’s hand. “Captain, um, you also still...have my pocket watch. I would appreciate that back, please….”

“Oh, yes, right. Here.” Picard handed me the pocket watch. I slid it into my pocket, trying not to appear nervous. My mind was going over a hundred thousand scenarios within the course of a few seconds. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t tell you, Captain,” I answered, taking a step back.

“Okay. I trust you.” I was slightly caught off guard.

“That paper needs to get off this ship. Immediately.”

“I can’t do that, but I do know a place where no one will find it.”

“No, Captain. If they knew where I was on Vulcan while writing it, they’ll know that it’s here on the ship. We need to get rid of that paper immediately.”

“Vanessa, I can’t do that, but I promise there’s one place where no one will find it.”

“Okay,” I hesitantly answered.

“Come on, let’s go.” I followed Picard, worried that I had condemned the Enterprise to a terrible fate.


	8. Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa gets a pain in her eye, so Picard makes her go to the med bay with Riker. Vanessa also learns that there's another person she can put her trust in on the ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential trigger warnings(?), trust issues.

_ Vanessa _

We traveled back up to the bridge, where everything was quiet. My eye had begun to hurt, and I didn’t know why, but it was the last thing I needed. I rubbed my eye again. It just hurt and I was trying desperately to get it to stop. I couldn’t randomly leave the bridge again. There was probably just something in my eye.

“Is there a problem, Vanessa?” I internally panicked hearing Picard’s voice. No no no. That was the last thing I needed. I shook my head.

“No, sir, it’s nothing,” I replied.

“Vanessa, your eye has been twitching for the past ten minutes like a half dead animal.”

“My eye just hurts, that’s all. It’s no big deal.” I knew by now that I couldn’t retreat or escape. I was trapped.

“You’re going down to the med bay. If it’s a disease, then we need to deal with it.” Picard was sending me straight into a deep panic mode. No, he basically shoved me off the cliff and allowed me to plummet into the depths of the panic below me, speeding into it head first.

“It’s not a disease. I don’t need to go down.”

“Well, we can’t be sure without an examination.”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” I felt that I was completely tied up in knots. I should have just suffered through and not touched my eye at all.

“Well, I don’t see it that way. I order you to go down to the med bay, and so I know you’ve really done it, Riker, go down with her.” No no no. Galaxy please no.

“I’m still not officially part of your crew, so technically you can’t make me,” I said as a last ditch effort.

“That’s true. Right now, you are a prisoner on my ship waiting to be arrested.” I went completely silent. After my pause, Picard instantly knew that he won the battle. “Riker, escort her down.”

“Sir, with all due respect, surely Worf could take her down,” Riker suggested. He was the last person I wanted to be near, especially because of earlier.

“Right now, I need him here in case we run into any unsavory visitors, Number One.”

“I don’t even have to go down at all,” I managed to offer.

“You’re going with me,” Riker answered, getting up from his chair and starting towards the turbolift. I followed him, mentally against my will. We both entered the turbolift and the doors closed. “Med bay.”

“You know, you could just go back up to the bridge and I can take care of myself,” I said, after a few moments of extremely awkward silence. My eye was nearly burning, but I forced myself not to touch it.

“Yeah, sure, I’ve read up on you.”

“Oh? And what have you read?”

“That you aren’t the best at following orders.” I figured. Riker was part of the senior staff, and apparently only the senior staff had read through my files. I didn’t have a good feeling, though.

“Well, that is the galactic truth.”

“And that won’t get you very far in life.”

“I’ve gotten this far.” I instantly regretted the hint of snippiness that slid into my tone.

“Well, your streak was about to end, if it wasn’t for Captain Picard convincing us otherwise.”

“The only reason you even found me is because Picard invited me to the ship. Otherwise, I would be so well hidden that it would take three systems to find me.”

“Yet, because the captain of the Enterprise invited you, you immediately decided to show yourself.” I felt my eyes narrow a little.

“And you wouldn’t?”

“No, because it could’ve easily been someone faking it.”

“No. I knew it was really Picard.”

“No, you have no idea how lucky you got. The message sent to you was made by Starfleet. Picard managed to intercept it and arrive before they did, which technically makes him a criminal now, too.” No. No. No one else was going to be called a criminal because of me. I kept my eyes narrowed.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Only Picard and I knew about it.”

“No. I don’t believe you at all.” I thought I knew what was going on. I thought I had a handle on everything, but obviously I didn’t.

“It’s the truth, Vanessa.” I didn’t like that. I didn’t like how he used my first name already. Not Riker. Not this one.

“Don’t call me a criminal and then call me by my name. It doesn’t work like that.”

“Well, frankly, I don’t care how it works. Picard is putting his career on the line. We all are, and you don’t seem to give a damn about that. All you care about is yourself.”

“I don’t give a damn about myself,” I snapped.

“What?”

“Why do you think I don’t go down to the med bay unless I’m forced to? Because I’d rather stay and risk my life for everyone else than leave and save myself. Don’t tell me that I only give a damn about myself.”

“If that’s how you really feel, then you don’t deserve to care about everyone else, while everyone is worried sick about you.”

“No one needs to care about me. None of you should even care about me. You heard Picard. I’m just a prisoner to you anyway. There’s no reason to care.”

“There is a reason to care. All of us at one point were like you. Maybe not a hundred percent exactly like you, but none of us were perfect, especially me, but I learned to overcome that. You’ll have to do the same. That’s why we care about you, because you’re just like us. You’re just like me.” I was suddenly aware that Riker was more than twice my height, which was very intimidating. I stayed silent, extremely uncomfortable. That entire discussion was very intense, and I didn’t fully know or understand how to feel about it. What was I supposed to do, rewrite myself?

“Yes,” Vulcy said in the back of my mind. I mentally ignored her. The doors of the turbolift opened, and we started heading towards the med bay in silence.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered very quietly in Vulcan.

“What was that?” Riker asked.

“Nothing.” Riker didn’t respond, not pushing the subject. I was a little grateful for that. Was I really just like Riker? I didn’t know and I wasn’t sure if I exactly liked that idea. We reached the doors of the med bay. “Well, now that we’re here, you can go back to the bridge, which is obviously your comfort zone,” I said neutrally, not trying to be mean or anything.

“No, I’ve been ordered to watch you all the way through.”

“I was there when Picard said for you to be an escort. He never said that.”

“I’m staying because I want to know that you’re alright.” I paused, not sure how to answer. I hesitated, but followed Riker into the med bay, keeping my sleeves pulled over my hands. Dr. Crusher smiled when she looked up and saw the two of us.

“Commander Riker,” she greeted, “and I see you brought Vanessa. The Captain told me that you two were coming down. Don’t worry, Vanessa, this will all be done in a couple minutes.”

“What exactly do you have to do?” I asked.

“Just scan your temporal region for anything, then your eyes, and if it’s nothing, then we’ll be good.

“Oh, ok, I guess,” I replied, starting to get nervous.

“It’s nothing bad. Don’t worry. Just lay down here.” I hesitated, but slowly layed my head back. Dr. Crusher turned, holding an odd looking device in her hand. I didn’t know what exactly it was. Dr. Crusher quickly picked up on my discomfort. “Don’t worry, Vanessa. This is just a scanner. It’s one of the new ones.”

“Is it just like the old one?”

“Yes, but with updated sensors.”

“O….kay.” Dr. Crusher started scanning around my head with the device. I felt myself swallow. She moved the scanner over my eyes.

“That’s it. How do you feel?” she asked.

“I mean, I feel fine, but my eye just has just been getting kind of sharp pains….” I was hesitating again.

“Okay. Let me take a look at these readings.” I nodded, as Dr. Crusher moved over towards her desk. I could feel Riker’s eyes on me, and I tried my hardest to avoid them.

“You know, you don’t have to act like this,” he finally said.

“I’m not sure what you mean by acting.”

“Acting completely nervous all the time.”

“I’m not….” I hesitated to finish my sentence. “I’m not acting,” I said quietly.

“Well, then, I’ll do something I’m great at, making people uncomfortable by throwing parties.” My panic level instantly rose. I was once again plummeting into the dark sea of panic mode. “Doctor Crusher, I’ll be going. I’m going to have a party for Vanessa.”

“Alright, Riker, go do that.”

“Wait, what? No,” I managed to cut in. Riker left the room. “Commander, no.”

“He’s already too far gone, Vanessa.”

“Where’s the nearest Federation outpost? At this point, I might as well turn myself in.”

“No. Vanessa, it won’t be that bad to socialize.”

“It will be if he does it that way.”

“Trust me, it’s better than he makes it sound.”

“I don’t even think I want to know, but he’s right about making people uncomfortable.”

“Sometimes in life you just need to throw yourself at things.” I slightly shrunk, thinking over the conversation Riker and I had in the turbolift. “Don’t worry about it, Vanessa.”

“Too late for that advice.”

“Vanessa, don’t worry.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love your crew, but some of them scare me at the same time. That one in particular.” I pointed towards the door the Riker had walked out of.

“What, Riker? Oh, don’t worry about him.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Trust me, it’ll get better. Now, about your head, it’s another headache coming on. I’m going to give you these, along with your migraine medication. You’re under extreme stress with everything going on. I highly suggest maybe a spa day for yourself.” She handed me a small packet of orange pills.

“I didn’t think it was a headache again. It’s just my actual eye that’s been hurting.”

“I know, Vanessa. Sometimes headaches can be so extreme that they begin to affect the eyes as well. Besides, these severe headaches are typically only experienced by Vulcans, or part Vulcans.”

“It just feels different.”

“I know. It’s rare for it to be this severe. Really, though, I am serious about that spa day and, in my opinion, try to share it with someone. Maybe even a boy.” Dr. Crusher winked at me and I could feel myself start to blush.

“Um, no thank you.”

“Okay, just remember, we are never young forever.”

“Trust me, I know,” I said neutrally.

“There are many….eligible men on the ship.” I noticed her pause and I felt extremely awkward. I could feel myself blushing more. “I remember when I was your age. I know exactly how you feel.”

“Um, can I go back to the bridge yet?”

“Not yet, because if you do, then Rikee will come back.” I felt my eyes widen in confusion. She seriously just called him Rikee. I didn’t know if it was a slip of the tongue or what.

“What….what did you just call him?”

“Rikee. Deanna came up with it.”

“Oh, that explains it.” I drew out the “oh” with realization. “Rikee, that’s kind of funny.”

“I know.”

“I wonder about those two.”

“They like each other,” Dr. Crusher whispered.

“Obviously.” I kind of smiled. She smiled back at me. “You have quite an interesting crew.”

“We do, indeed. A Klingon, a half-betazoid, a French man, a ladies’ man, a blind engineer, a red headed doctor, and an android.”

“Yes, the most interesting crew I’ve ever met.”

“And now you’re a part of our crazy crew.”

“Hopefully. Nothing’s official yet and Starfleet has a habit of changing its mind, but I’m also in no position to argue.”

“Yes, but Picard has a habit of, well, basically running over Starfleet.” A part of me really wanted to be a true part of this crew. A really huge part of me. Even though I wasn’t used to a crew like this, I wanted to be a part of it. They made me feel….safe.

“Hopefully.”

“You’ve got a good group of people looking out for you.”

“I know. Maybe my luck will hold out a little bit longer.”

“You? You’ll probably outlive us all.”

“That’s only because of radiation.”

“Who knows? It’s unpredictable.”

“I suppose so.”

“Now, I say that you’ll be all good with the migraine medication, and he’s gone, so I suggest you get some sleep before tomorrow. The day of the Rikerning.”

“I’ll try, but sleep is very….unpredictable with me and agreed.”

“Well, I can give you a drink to help with sleep.” I was once again plummeting, but this time the dark sea of panic was closer and deeper than before. I didn’t want to have another episode, like earlier.

“Oh, no, that won’t be necessary.”

“Oh, well, it was warm chocolate milk, but if you don’t want it, that’s fine.” I didn’t know how to respond. I felt very trapped again, and this time I  _ needed  _ to escape. Dr. Crusher noticed my silence. “Honey, there’s no medicine in it. Besides, warm milk helps you sleep.” I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it and shook my head a little. “I thought you liked chocolate milk. That’s why I brought it up. Your records make it very clear that you like chocolate milk.” I stayed quiet, beginning to shrink. “Honey, what’s the matter?”

“It’s just….” I was trying to think of anything besides the truth. “On Vulcan, they tell us never to accept anything that’s supposed to make you sleep and that’s also what my father’s always told me,” I lied. I felt completely guilty for lying to her. I felt that Dr. Crusher and Deanna were the only ones I could trust and I didn’t want to break that by not telling them the truth.

“Oh, what bullshit. I’ve seen hundreds of Vulcans sleep through medicine. God, those archaic ways of medicine on Vulcan.” I kept my silence, feeling completely horrible with myself. “Vanessa, it’s not bad, I promise. Besides, stress is related to sleeplessness and you haven’t had any sleep in, I’m guessing, days, maybe even a week or two.” Ignoring my mental mindsets, I decided that I’d come clean.

“My father told me never to lie and now I feel bad because I just technically disobeyed him….” I lowered my head in shame and nervousness.

“Vanessa, are you afraid to sleep because of what that man did to you?” I slightly nodded, knowing that she and Picard had had a talk. “There’s a way to prevent that.”

“It’s not that, it’s just….he….put stuff in stuff….he told me they’d help me sleep….” I struggled to get my words out.

“Oh, sweetheart. If I knew that man, I’d strangle him where he stands.”

“My father said the same thing, honestly. He doesn’t even know half of it.” My tone had gone completely neutral, as had I. I didn’t feel like I was going into a breakdown. I was no longer falling from the cliff; I was just hanging, suspended in mid air.

“Vanessa, you don’t have to tell me. I’m here for you. If you ever feel like you need to talk, come talk to me. Right now, you don’t have to say another word.” I wanted to hug and hold onto her so badly. I wanted to tell her thank you. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to pour my heart out and finally release every bad memory, emotion, and thought I ever had.

“Can I go back up to the bridge?” I heard myself ask, after a long pause.

“Not yet. Since I’m your doctor, I’ll have you spend the night here. There’s a little room in the back where you can sleep and I’ll be right outside the door if you need anything, and you don’t have a say on it. I’m the Chief Medical Officer to everyone, even people who aren’t crew members.” I slightly did a double take, not expecting any of that. “I really don’t want to force you to stay here, but I’m scared now. I’m scared for you and you should be scared for yourself, too.”

“You’re….scared?”

“Yes, we all are.”

“….why?” My voice grew extremely quiet.

“Because to us, you’re a little girl who’s been through too much, more than a girl ever should, and now you’re one of the crew. You’re part of the family.” I looked up, but then looked down again. “You’re not alone anymore.” I didn’t know how to respond.

“Maybe I should go back up to the bridge….?” I offered without confidence or strength.

“Vanessa, I’m not letting you. You’re stuck here for the night.”

“Will….will the rest of the crew know where I am?”

“The Captain will know I have you, but not where and if you ever need to come back here, just ask. Or just show up and I’ll know.”

“The med bay is just….it hasn’t always been the easiest place to be, for me.”

“I know, but that’s why we have the back room, where you can sleep. I’ll be here all night long.”

“….okay.”

“I promise it’ll be okay now. I have something to keep bad memories out when you sleep.” I looked up. She placed a small pendant necklace in my hand. The pendant stone was dark purple, connected to a silver chain. “This necklace is something Deanna made and gave to me. It keeps bad thoughts out and only let’s good ones in. It’s helped me a lot when sometimes I lose patients. It’ll help you.”

“I….I can’t accept anything so precious.”

“If it helps you, then I’ll have Deanna make you one. She makes them by binding her powers to a special stone native to Betazed.”

“My father told me never to accept anything that had more worth than money.”

“Vanessa, just this once, put aside what people have told you. Do what  _ you _ feel is right and I know right now you want sleep. Your eyes have been drooping since we’ve been talking, honey.”

“It’s just that no one’s been this kind to me since I was under Kirk’s command and it’s almost kind of….weird,” I admitted.

“Well, it’s my job to take care of my friends and family.”

“Sometimes, my father is right. Human emotions are illogical, but I’d still rather feel them than be logical. I mean, what fun could you have without emotion?” I managed a small smile.

“Exactly.”

“I guess I’m here for the night, then?”

“Yes, and you hold onto this, okay?” Dr. Crusher closed my hand around the necklace.

“Thank you,” I said quietly.

“You’re welcome, Vanessa.” She moved forward and hugged me in a way that I hadn’t felt….maybe in my entire life before. I felt actually safe. I felt….loved.


	9. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa feels safe enough to talk to Dr. Crusher about her thoughts and feelings.

_ Vanessa _

“Vulcan,” the voice said. My vision was blurry, but I could see a bright light above me.

“We’ll win,” another voice muttered. Where was I? Why did it feel like Deanna was supposed to be with me? Where was she? Something was wrong. Who were these people? Why couldn’t I move?

“Vanessa,” a third voice whispered in my ear, forcing me from the realm of dreams and back to the reality I needed.

I woke up from my dream, my heart pounding. What the hell was that? It was….too strange for my liking. I didn’t like dreams like that, mostly because I didn’t know what they meant. I could hear two voices talking from the other room. They were starting to get louder. I moved to make it look like I was still asleep.

“See, Wesley, she’s asleep,” I heard Dr. Crusher say, as the door opened just a little bit. 

“I know, Mom, but Starfleet regulation directly states that you can’t have anyone in the sickbay that’s not a medical officer or an official patient.” I wondered who Wesley was. I assumed he was probably Dr. Crusher’s son. I also didn’t know that Starfleet had a regulation.

“Wesley, I know you mean to do the right thing, but right now, she needs a family. I’m the only one who’s earned her trust so far, I hope. I’m the only one she’s really opened up to. She needs a home.”

“Mom, she’s faking being asleep. You’re bad at faking sleep.” I slowly sat up.

“Okay, you’re right about that much,” I replied.

“Oh my, Vanessa, are you okay? How did you sleep?” Dr. Crusher asked.

“I’m okay, with the exception of a few odd dreams.”

“Well, that’s normal for you, at least, but that’s good.”

“I suppose so. Um, who’s….he?” I looked up at Wesley. He had average brown hair, unlike Dr. Crusher’s bright red. He was tall and around my age. He had brown eyes and was obviously a Starfleet cadet. First year, I assumed.

“He’s my son, Wesley.” I nodded, still looking up at Wesley. “Sorry, it’s just that I’m not technically allowed to have you here, but if no one says anything, then you’ll be fine.” Dr. Crusher looked right at Wesley when she said that. I turned back to Dr. Crusher.

“I could alway go back to my room. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Oh trust me, they can’t stop me.” I went quiet, unsure how to respond and uncomfortable with Wesley being there. “Don’t worry, Vanessa, they wouldn’t kick me off. I lead the medical division in Starfleet, which technically means I made that rule, so I’m breaking my own rules, so it’s okay.”

“O….kay, if you say so.” I shifted a little. “Um, is he….staying here too?”

“No, he’s leaving now.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Mom, you just can’t break the rules for every person who comes onto the ship without a home.”

“Shut up, Wesley,” Beverly said. Wesley paused for a minute, but then walked out of the room. “I’m so sorry, I swear I never raised him like that.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine, he seems….he reminds me of someone, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

“I’ll have a talk with him later. Since you’re up, let’s eat some breakfast. Do you want anything special made? You can have whatever you want.” I felt the knot in my stomach tighten.

“Oh, no thank you.”

“Vanessa, we have a replicator and since I’m your doctor, you’re eating breakfast. Now, come on, what’s your favorite breakfast?”

“I don’t feel very hungry at the moment,” I lied.

“Well, I’ll make something and leave it here for you.”

“It’s okay, Doctor Crusher. I just don't….have much of an appetite.”

“That’s why I’ll leave it here for you, because I still haven’t let you alone to leave it yet. I know, I’ll make pancakes, bacon, eggs, and hash browns.” I shifted a little. I didn’t eat on a regular basis, which I knew was beginning to kill me. “I know this isn’t normal for you, but I want to start making it normal for you, Vanessa.”

“I’ve just….adjusted to my father’s schedule. When he stays in the capital, he normally eats twice a day, and I’ve just grown accustomed to that.”

“Well, welcome to human life.”

“I think I finally understand why my father says that humans can be illogical.”

“We are, indeed.”

“About your son, Wesley….”

“He’s just very strict with rules.”

“I can tell. He reminds me of someone.” I smiled just a little bit.

“Who?”

“I suppose that might just have to stay hidden in my Vulcan mind.”

“I’ll find out some day. Here’s your breakfast. I leave it right here, on the heater.”

“Thank you, Doctor Crusher.”

“It’s no problem, sweetheart.”

“Also, when might I be able to return to the bridge?”

“Soon, after lunch.”

“Oh, that seems far away, honestly.”

“Not really. You slept very well last night, almost eleven hours.”

“Oh. I think that may be the longest I’ve slept in years.” That wasn’t an exaggeration. I was starting to realize how much I was killing myself over the years.

“You needed it.”

“I...had an odd dream last night, honestly,” I admitted, feeling like I needed to tell her about it.

“What kind of dream?”

“It was like….I think it was like….it was almost like I was seeing the results of the mission coming up with Deanna and me.”

“What were the results?”

“I’m not sure what it really was, but I saw….these lights and two people talking to me, but something seemed wrong and I wasn’t sure where Deanna was, but something was definitely wrong.” I could see Dr. Crusher mentally thinking over what I had told her.

“Well, I’ll talk to Picard about it. I’ll tell him that I think you two might need backup because it wouldn’t seem right with just you two, so we can keep this between us.”

“Um, I’m not sure, I mean, I could be wrong or um it could just be nerves,” I tried to backtrack, losing my confidence.

“I’ll get him to give you two a means of escape, just in case.”

“O….kay.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s just that normally when I have dreams, a part of them or all of it comes true. Bad and good.”

“Well, it’s time to change that. Now, come on, eat something. I know you’re hungry.” I hesitated again, nervous to ask a question that was on my mind.

“Do you think the Captain would even believe me?”

“Maybe, but I know that I do.” I looked down towards the floor.

“I think you’re the only one.”

“Well, then I’ll be the only one.”

“I think you’ve shown me more kindness than….well, anyone.”

“Honestly, I know this might be weird, but I really want to be there for you. I suppose you’re kind of like the daughter I never had.” I got that feeling again. The feeling where I wanted to tell her everything and pour all the emotions out of my heart to her. “I’m sorry, that was unnecessary.”

“No no no,” I said, desperate to keep her warm presence there with me and not let it retreat. It was the first taste of any true kindness and emotion I had felt in years. I didn’t want to let it go yet. “It’s just that I’ve never….well, let’s just say that Natalie was never the best caretaker.”

“Well, I guess I’m doing a better job than her.”

“For sure. You honestly have no idea how much better.”

“Good.”

“She was more human than Vulcan, so she used more emotions and that’s why she caused my father so much trouble.” I shrunk a little, fully realizing the weight of what I had admitted.

“Oh sweetheart. You didn’t deserve that pressure on your shoulders.” Dr. Crusher hugged me again, bringing back the same feeling. “They should’ve left you out of it. No one had a right to drag you into adult matters when you were still just a child.” I slowly returned the hug, just wanting to tell her how much that meant to me. How much it meant to me that she wasn’t blaming me for what happened. How much it meant to me that someone actually seemed to believe me. I slowly returned the hug.

“Thank you. So much.”

“Always, sweetheart.”

“Oh, I almost forgot.” I broke the hug and took Deanna’s necklace off, handing it to Dr. Crusher.

“No, please, you hold onto it. I’ll get a new one from Deanna. Keep it. My gift to you.” She placed the necklace back in my hand lightly.

“But-” I began to protest.

“Please.” I hesitated for a few seconds.

“O….kay.”

“Please.” Dr. Crusher placed her hand over mine. “Consider it as my house warming gift to you. I care about you, Vanessa.” I paused for a few long moments, trying to piece together my thoughts.

“I feel like you and Bones would’ve gotten along well. I can’t argue with either of you.” I formed a small smile.

“I think I would’ve known a little better. He wasn’t a mother.” She smiled at me, causing me to smile a little more. As she turned back towards her desk for a minute, I slowly moved and picked up the silverware. I was really hungry, but I just didn’t want to admit it. “It’s okay, you start eating.”

“If my father saw me now….”

“If he said anything, I’d hit him with a shoe.” I snickered a little.

“You are the most….amazing yet strange person I’ve ever met on the Enterprise and it’s quite refreshing compared to Vulcan.” Dr. Crusher smiled at me.

“Good,” she said, as I began to eat. “You eat, and then I’ll let you go take a shower and everything.”

“You’d have an interesting time on Vulcan. Our schedules there are different than here. It’s quite illogical, actually.”

“Well, you’re a bit illogical, too.” I smiled my first trademark smile since I had gone down to the med bay the previous afternoon.

“I’m a Vulcan that was raised human. I am the definition of illogical.” Dr. Crusher snickered. I think it was the first time I had heard her laugh. “Will Wesley be back any time soon?”

“Probably not.”

“What does he do on the ship?”

“He’s an ensign, so he does whatever the captain orders.”

“I know what that’s like.”

“Oh really?”

“I wasn’t officially part of Kirk’s crew, but I basically did whatever he’d order, even though he’d normally get some type of argument in return.”

“Well, I may have a surprise for you.” I looked up, curious at what that meant. “As of last night, if you complete the mission, you will not only be a lieutenant commander, you’ll also be the ship’s Senior Science Officer, which means you’ll be part of the senior staff with Rikee, Data, Worf, Deanna, Geordi, the captain, and me.” I was instantly beginning to grin like an idiot. If I completed the mission, I’d have the same position my father did when he worked under Kirk’s leadership. I would be just like my father; the one thing I had wanted for so long when Kirk was captain.

“I’m never going to get over you calling him Rikee,” I said, trying to cover up how idiotically joyful I truly was. Dr. Crusher smiled at me, and I knew that she could instantly see straight through me. “Does he know about that little nickname?” She winked at me, giving me my answer.

“You finish eating, okay?”

“And then I’ll be able to go back to the bridge?”

“Maybe.” I moved to start eating again. She ruffled my hair a little bit. “You’re a good kid, Vanessa.” I looked up a little.

“We’ll see how that turns out in the next few days. You’re a very very good person, Doctor Crusher.”

“You are too, Vanessa, and that’s the truth.”

“I’m just a little….interesting.”

“You’re more than interesting. You’re extraordinary.”

“I believe the best word is rambunctious. At least, that’s what Kirk used to say.”

“That works, too.”

“We’ll see what word the Enterprise has to choose.”

“She speaks for herself. How else do you keep coming back? You two are connected.”

“A piece of me belongs to the Enterprise.”

“A person and their ship is like love. It’s a bond you just can’t break.”

“They always say that a ship belongs to its Captain, but I think a captain more or less belongs to the ship. The ship chooses who it belongs to.”

“That’s a good way to put it.”

“Space is an interesting place to learn stuff like that.”

“Yes, it sure is.”


	10. Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa doesn't seem to like people trying to direct her life a certain way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did use a Vulcan translator, but I don't remember the link. Found it on google. Credits to whatever link it is.

_ Vanessa _

I showered and tried out one of the outfits that Deanna had suggested for me. It was a simple purple Starfleet t-shirt and a pair of black leggings, but it worked perfectly for me. I pulled my hair back with two strands, just enough to make me look decently professional. I headed back up to the bridge. Picard instantly spotted me the moment I exited the turbolift.

“Hi Captain, did you miss me?” I asked, with a decent trademark smile. I quickly caught sight of Wesley and I felt the color drain from my face.

“ _ Yellow alert _ ,” I heard Human start to whisper in my mind.

“ _ Human, no _ ,” I mentally answered. “ _ Don’t you dare _ .”

“Oh, welcome back, Vanessa. I see your stay with Doctor Crusher went well,” Picard said.

“Yes, sir, it did,” I replied, making sure not to show my reaction towards Wesley. He already didn’t like me and I knew that.

“I don’t know if you’ve met, but that boy there is Doctor Crusher’s son, Wesley.” I didn’t look at Wesley.

“Yes, sir, she told me about him. We met briefly this morning.” Wesley looked at me for a few seconds, but then turned away.

“ _ Jackass _ ,” I heard Vulcy comment. Human and Middle turned to look at her.

“ _ Was that emotion I heard _ ?” Human asked.

“ _ No, that was simply stating a fact _ ,” Vulcy responded neutrally. I was trying my hardest to tune them out, as the three of them began to argue.

“Mister Worf, I believe this would be a good opportunity to show Vanessa around the bridge, if you could please,” Picard said to the Klingon officer that was standing towards the tactical panel.

“ _ I’m not saying that he’s a physical donkey. I’m stating the fact that he’s acting like a jackass _ ,” Vulcy told Human, who was still in debate.

“ _ But a jackass is a donkey, while also being an insult. Therefore, you’re saying that he is a donkey in an insulting way _ ,” Human retaliated.

“Dammit,” I whispered under my breath. Worf, the Klingon officer, heard me, much to my dismay.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked me.

“Oh, no, it’s nothing, sir,” I told him.

“You do not have to be formal around me. Klingons are not always very formal, in our culture.”

“My father always said to remain as formal as possible when meeting someone.”

“It doesn’t always work.”

“Alright, then.”

“Here, I will show you the new tactical slots. They were installed yesterday.” I smiled.

“Of course.”

“ _ Well, by now we all know that he’s an idiot just by looking at him and he’s trying way too hard to show that he’s the adult everyone knows he isn’t _ ,” Middle was saying to the other two.

“ _ Well, yeah, that’s extremely obvious, but the question still stands is he actually a jackass literally or figuratively _ ?” Human questioned.

“ _ Damn you, Human, I already told you, I meant it as a figurative fact. It is a fact that he is figuratively a jackass _ ,” Vulcy explained, getting annoyed, while also still trying to remain neutral. The mindsets were beginning to kill me. I happened to glance up and I saw Wesley watching me.

“ _ Guys, look _ ,” I thought to the mindsets. They all froze and looked straight towards Wesley.

“ _ Wesley _ .”

“ _ Wesley _ .”

“ _ Wesley _ .” Why was he staring at me? Worf quickly picked up on it.

“Is there a problem, Wesley?” he asked.

“Oh, no, sir,” Wesley began. I instantly knew that this was going to start rolling downhill. “It’s just, why did you invite her?”

“ _ That jackass _ ,” Human said.

“ _ Human _ !” Middle yelled, throwing a shoe at her.

“ _ I’m not wrong _ !”

“ _ Next person who says jackass sleeps in the bathtub _ !” Vulcy interrupted.

“ _ Then it seems you’re up next!” _

“Because I, personally, trust her, and she is a good kid,” Worf told Wesley.

“Yeah, sure, a kid who disobeys Starfleet.”

“I believe that when you were not too much younger that you weren’t any better.” Worf’s voice was beginning to lower. “Remember, she’s been alone for a long time. She needs a home and more importantly a family.” I could feel the blood beginning to rush to my face. I didn’t like hearing people continuously say that. How did they know what I needed? How did people who didn’t even know me know what was good for me?

“I can leave the bridge if there’s a problem,” I offered awkwardly.

“No, it’s fine, Vanessa, please stay,” Worf answered.

“I don’t want to cause any problems.” My gaze shifted between Worf and Wesley.

“No, it’s alright. Wesley was just leaving.” Wesley turned away after a minute or two.

“Alright, if you insist.”

“ _ Yellow alert _ ….?” Middle suggested unsurely.

“ _ I’d consider red to even be appropriate for the occasion _ ,” Human commented.

“ _ No, yellow would be better. Immediate threat has mostly been subdued _ ,” Vulcy answered cautiously. It was hard to focus with them arguing and debating amongst themselves.

“Ikap-tor ish-veh ru'lut,” I muttered to myself. It meant “shut your mouths” in Vulcan.

“I know Vulcan. Are you saying that to yourself?” Worf asked me.

“My thoughts are just….racing and it is rather difficult to get them under control,” I vaguely explained. “Mostly due to that one.” I motioned subtly towards Wesley. “Not having full control of one’s thoughts due to the presence of one person isn’t something a Vulcan mind necessarily comprehends.”

“It appears that you are under stress. I highly suggest a visit to the holodeck. There are many combat training programs that help to release pent up emotion.”

“I will keep that in mind.” The mindsets were costing me my focus, and Human was beginning to get me more upset towards….I don’t know. I didn’t like people saying straight out about what I did or didn’t need. I was….much older than I looked, so I should’ve been the one to know what was best for me. No one else needed to decide that.

After a little while, Deanna and I started mentally communicating a little. She didn’t ask about why I felt upset and frustrated, which I was a little grateful for. We were just mentally talking about the Enterprise and stuff. Human, however, wouldn’t let anything go.

“ _ They have no right to tell us how we’re supposed to live our lives. That’s our choice _ ,” she said.

“ _ Just because one or two people have said it, that doesn’t mean we can just be continuously mad at them _ ,” Middle argued.

“ _ But it’s not just one or two of them. It hasn’t been. It’s been all of them in some way. _ ”

“ _ What about Doctor Crusher _ ?” Vulcy interrupted.

“ _ She’s different, but even she’s done it. Remember? She said it to Wesley when she thought we were asleep. If that’s how she puts it, imagine everyone else. The only one who probably won’t think it is Data. We have every right to be frustrated. They’re all trying to control our lives without even giving a thought about what we could possibly want. _ ”

“ _ You’re taking everything out of context, Human _ .”

“ _ As are they, Vulcy. _ ” I was internally begging for them to shut up. I was trying to keep my frustration covered up, as the three still continued to argue.

“Vanessa,” Picard’s voice broke me away from the debate. I looked up from the floor.

“Yes, Captain?” I really wasn’t in the mood to start a conversation, but I knew that I couldn’t control everything.

“I have a question to ask you.”

“ _ Galaxy _ ,” the mindsets said in unison, refocusing their attention.

“Yes, sir?” I prepared myself for the worst.

“How do you know so much about this ship?”

“I learned from when Kirk was Captain. My father has helped me out.”

“Vanessa, you know this ship is different from the Constitution class Enterprise.” I knew that all too well. I could feel Human shift to a yellow alert. That typically signaled everything going downhill.

“Not by much, in all honesty, sir.”

“It’s still not completely the same and you shouldn’t be wandering around without a guide.” Things were quickly beginning to shift in Human’s perspective, and it wasn’t in a good way. “Just, before you are an officer, stay with someone.”

“ _ See? There it is. Another person trying to assert more control over our life without considering that maybe we’re fine without any of that. We know the ship, we’ve stayed away from the areas that he’s told us not to, we’ve done everything right, but to him, we’re still doing things wrong _ ,” Human proposed, offering more evidence for her argument. I was beginning to lose control. Human was taking over before I could gain it back. I could feel her hit some kind of control in my mind.

“Captain, I can handle myself,” I heard myself say.

“That’s not the point.”

“ _ Human, don’t. Human, don’t _ ,” I kept mentally repeating, just hoping she’d listen to me for once.

“ _ Too late _ .”

“Sure,” I heard myself mutter. Human was in full control now. She was filling my tone with annoyance, using my emotions just to get hers across.

“Excuse me?”

“ _ Get her under control. Get her under galactic control. I am counting on the two of you. Get Human under control _ ,” I mentally prayed to Middle and Vulcy, but I wasn’t sure what they could really do, at this point. The battle had already been initiated.

“I think it might be best if I refrained from speaking any further,” I replied, trying to retreat. I should have stopped her from saying that. Why did I not try harder to stop her?

“No, by all means, tell me what’s on your mind.” I instantly picked up on Picard’s tone, and it wasn’t at all good in any way.

“Nothing, sir,” I answered quietly. Maybe there was still a small chance I could escape this; just take it back and erase it.

“Tell me now.”

“I don’t have to say anything against my will,” Vulcy forced out of my mouth.

“ _ You call that ‘under control’ _ ?” I mentally scolded.

“ _ I’m trying _ ,” Vulcy thought back.

“ _ Try harder _ .”

“Well, if you want to stay on this ship, then you won’t mind telling me.” The mindsets and I instantly froze. Our next move had to be extremely cautious, but Human wasn’t exactly a cautious mindset.

“It’s nothing, Captain, I apologize,” Middle managed to make me say. At least one of the three had enough sense to retreat.

“Vanessa, now.”

“How much do you really trust me?” That was Human. All the way, I knew that was Human. Damn it.

“Enough.” I should have stopped talking completely. I should have gone mute until it was time for the mission.

“Nash-veh'm sorry nash-veh mokuhlek't nazh-tashek t' t'nash-veh nahp heh kashek dvolau,” I said in my native tongue.  _ I’m sorry I can’t gain control of my thoughts and mindsets _ . I didn’t know if Picard understood me or not.

“Vanessa, come with me.” I felt like I was going to be sick. Everything had gone so far downhill, all because Human just had to voice her own currently unwanted opinion. I followed Picard to the ready room, just filled with dread.

“Permission to leave the bridge?” I forced myself to ask quietly, when the doors closed. It was my last ditch effort. This was all my fault. I needed more control over the mindsets. My father always told me that I needed to control my emotions, but the emotions came from the mindsets, and I didn’t know how to finally get a hold of them.

“Permission denied.”

“I don’t want to end up accidentally yelling at someone.” My voice kept getting quieter, as Human finally lost her grip and was beginning to feel the same guilt I did.

“You don’t get to yell at anyone, and if you even think to yell at me, you’ll be in prison a hell of a lot faster than you can imagine.” A large part of me just wanted to fade into nothingness. Just shatter into a million pieces and float away as an unrepairable…. _ thing _ .

“Why do I even bother speaking?” I muttered very quietly to myself.

“You’ve been given the privilege to have that right. So talk to me. Now.” I braced myself for what was going to happen next. A part of me hoped that he’d just send me off the bridge and confined me to quarters until we rendezvoused. Isolation was an all too familiar friend, and this was the one time it was welcome.

“So far, all people are saying is ‘she needs a home, she needs a family’. Well, maybe that’s true, but when everyone just says it straight out….I have a father. I have a house and a home planet. It’s not the same as the ship, but that doesn’t mean I’m lacking everything I don’t seem to have. Everyone seems to be trying to decide what’s good for me, but they’re not thinking that maybe I know what I need in my life. It might not seem like it bothers me, but it does, and I don’t really have a right to say anything against it.” I was probably only around half my actual height, and my voice was barely audible. I avoided eye contact with Picard as much as I could. There was a pause. A long, tense pause.

“Alright. I will send a shipwide message and the breaking of that message will be considered harassment.” I stayed silent. The mindsets all knew whose fault this was. Human was silent, as she deserved to be. “What’s wrong?”

“Permission to leave the bridge?” I asked uncomfortably.

“Permission granted. My personal advice, head to Doctor Crusher’s lab. I’ll discuss this matter with her.” I didn’t even fully hear the last few words of his sentence. I bolted out of the ready room like a bat out of hell.


	11. Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa and Data bond a little bit over poetry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't want anyone to take my original poem, so I left it out. Sorry

_ Vanessa _

I didn’t go to Dr. Crusher’s lab. I stayed in my room for hours. The mindsets ripped into Human, as they were right to do. I stared out the window, just rethinking everything. I was to blame and a part of me hated myself for it. What the hell was I doing? I didn’t belong here. I belonged on the ship years ago, but not anymore. Things had changed, and I had too, but not in the right way. I needed to pick a path. There was a beep at the door, making me slightly flinch.

“It’s open,” I responded quietly. I saw Picard’s reflection in the window as he entered the room. I quickly stood up. “Captain,” I said neutrally, as some type of a greeting, I think.

“I see you were listening to music,” he responded, motioning towards my silent music player.

“Yes, sir, a little.”

“You can continue.”

“No, sir. My father says it’s disrespectful to listen to music while someone else is talking.”

“No, it’s fine.” There was an awkward pause between the two of us, as I made no move to turn the music player back on.

“Is there something I can do for you, sir?” I asked, breaking the silence, but not the awkwardness.

“Well, first, I wanted to ask if you were alright from earlier.” I wondered if he knew that I didn’t take his advice.

“Yes, sir.” I think I heard the hesitation in my voice before even the mindsets did.

“Alright. I also made a shipwide alert that you will be considered as another member of this crew and therefore be treated as one.”

“Yes, sir,” I repeated. “That’s for the best.”

“Lastly, there are these.” Picard held up three medium sized books, each one having a partially woven cover. I could see the gold print on the covers. I picked up one of them, as he put the other two on the table. The one I picked up was titled  _ Of Romulus and Its People _ . I recognized it instantly.

“I read this at the academy,” I said, flipping through some of the pages. “I remember it.”

“Yes, that book and the second one, here, are about Romulan society, since they’ve been nearly dormant for over fifty years. The last one is basic rules and Starfleet regulations. I’d prefer to have you read over them before the mission. I’ll have Commander Data come test you when you finish.”

“Yes, sir,” I answered. I was already beginning to start some of  _ Of Romulus and Its People _ . I still remembered the beginning of it.

“Is there something wrong?” Picard asked. I didn’t realize the absent tone that had filled my voice. I really was paying attention, but I just couldn’t help but already begin to read.

“Oh, no, sir,” I quickly replied. I didn’t want Picard to think that I was against reading or tuning him out. I wasn’t the best, but I was never that bad. “It’s just like schoolwork. I have nothing against it.”

“Not exactly.”

“Oh. I wouldn’t really know either way. I never attended a school when I lived on Vulcan.” The look I received in response explained everything Picard was thinking. It was just shock. I didn’t think he could really believe that I, a Starfleet graduate, never attended a school on my native planet.

“Really?” he finally asked.

“My father thought it would be better for me to learn at home from my caretaker.”

“It seems to have worked.”

“At least, he taught me how to read and write.”

“You seem to have a handle on this, then. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Yes, sir.” He walked out of the room, and I think a part of him was a little impressed. I mean, that’s what I hoped. That’s what I really really hoped. I opened  _ Of Romulus and Its People _ , took a seat against the window, and began to read.

_ Data _

After what had happened on the bridge, the Captain asked me to go down and test Vanessa, based on the reading she had completed. I was curious as to how mentally capable she truly was, as her behavior could be considered as controversial and almost erratic. Personally, I knew very little about her, besides what was written within her Starfleet records. I headed towards the guest quarters where Vanessa was staying. I hit the chime on her door and waited a few seconds for a response. I did not receive one. I checked and saw that the door was open, so I proceeded to enter. The lights were about 50%, making the room slightly darker than I originally expected. I saw Vanessa moving around the room with her earbuds in her ears, presumably dancing while listening to music. I watched her in curiosity; about what could give her such an urge to dance around. She spun around and finally saw me. Her eyes went wide and she immediately started to blush, pulling her earbuds out of her ears.

“Data, um….you….you never saw that,” she said. Vanessa looked as if she were panicking. I did not understand why she seemed so flustered.

“But I saw you dancing,” I answered.

“Just….just forget you did.” Vanessa quickly turned off her music and put her earbuds away.

“But it is now downloaded in my processor. Technically speaking, I cannot forget it, unless it is manually erased.”

“Just….never speak about it to anyone.”

“I can do that, if you request, but if a higher ranking officer asks, I must tell them.” The color seemed to flush from her face. “However, because no other crew member knows of this event, they will most likely not ask.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Vanessa answered, hesitantly.

“Now, I believe you know why I am here.”

“Oh, yes. The Captain said you were coming to test me on the Romulan society book.” Vanessa took a seat at the room’s table; her notebook and the Captain’s textbooks placed neatly in front of her.

“That is correct. I will begin the review now, if that is alright with you.” I took a seat diagonal from Vanessa, as she nodded in response.

“Yes, of course.” I held the sheet of questions I had prepared in my hand.

“Are you ready?”

“I believe I am.”

“Question one. Who was the first captain aboard which ship to meet a Romulan?”

“Archer,” Vanessa answered, nearly cutting me off. “Captain Johnathan Archer of the USS Enterprise NX-01.” She answered in a way that made it seem she had been asked the question numerous times before.

“Yes, that is correct.” Vanessa smiled at me. She seemed rather calm and collected, compared to what I had heard about her. I did not fully understand why the crew considered her to be so controversial, personality-wise. “Next question. What was the class name of the Romulan ship that the Enterprise, under the command of Captain Kirk, encountered?”

“A Romulan Bird of Prey,” she responded, with the same quickness and enthusiasm before. “I wasn’t on the Enterprise yet when they encountered it, but Uncle Kirk told me all about it.” I found it unusual for her to be referring to Captain Kirk as her uncle. She was not his blood relative, and he was still, at one time, her Captain. Yet, she still considered him as her family; a blood relative.

“Correct. What was the class name of the Romulan ship the Enterprise D encountered when it first began its voyages?”

“A D’der-id-ex class.” D’deridex class. Vanessa had stuttered through to say it, and I assumed she did not know its proper pronunciation.

“D’deridex class, that is correct.” Vanessa smiled again, seeming to be relieved that I understood what she was trying to say. “This next question is a three part question. What empire did the Romulans have a temporary alliance with, what technology did they share, and what class of starship did the Romulans receive in return?” Vanessa’s face neutralized for a few moments, showing that she was thinking through her response.

“Well, um, first, they had an alliance with the Klingon Empire. They shared the ship cloaking device and they got the….D-7 class battleships.”

“Correct. You are doing very well with these questions.” Vanessa smiled at me again, but did not say anything. I did not understand the tone of the atmosphere between us. It was comfortable, for both her and myself. “Final question. What is the Romulan secret police agency called?” Vanessa paused for a minute, but it did not seem to be because she did not know the answer.

“The Tal Shiar.”

“Correct. You seem to have good knowledge of the Romulans.”

“The books are very detailed and my father also helped me learn about them when I was on the Enterprise.”

“That is good. I will report to the Captain about your progress.” She smiled again. As I stood from the table, I accidentally knocked over Vanessa’s notebook, causing it to open. We both moved to pick it up from the floor. I noticed writing on one of the pages that seemed to be in the form of poetry stanzas.

“Oh, um, thank you, Data,” she said, somewhat awkwardly.

“If you do not mind me asking, what have you written in that notebook?”

“It’s….a little complicated.”

“I do not understand.” She turned the notebook towards me to the open page, allowing me to see that it was indeed a poem.

“Poetry, at least with the topics I write about, isn’t really highly praised on Vulcan and it’s made some people just greater outcasts.”

“Ah, yes, but I, personally, have a great fondness for poetry.”

“I find it to be fascinating; the ways it can be twisted and molded to its own creation.”

“May I read your poem?” She nodded. I turned back to the notebook and began to read aloud. It was all about nature, and had a tone of anti-war.  “It is a beautiful poem,” I complimented her. “You are truly talented.” There were many hidden meanings throughout the poem, and I felt that that was particularly a sign of talent. The poem may have been simple in nature, but its meaning was incredibly intricate.

“Thank you. Data, you won’t tell anyone about this notebook, right?”

“If you request,” I replied.

“I don’t want to cause my father any trouble for what’s in it. It’d be better for him if people didn’t know of this.”

“I can do that. I will not tell anyone, unless I am ordered to.” Vanessa smiled at me, and the only word I could think to describe it as was  _ human _ . Her smile was so incredibly  _ human _ .

“Thank you, Data.”

“You are welcome, Vanessa.” I did not understand why the crew mostly felt that she needed constant and intense supervision. She was a calm, intelligent, and talented young Vulcan. She was not a criminal, but instead, an artist. I concluded that I was going to include these details when I reported to the captain on Vanessa’s progress.


	12. The Llama Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa was asleep for a little bit, but it was enough time for hell to break loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Imzadi begged me for this, it was his idea. Love him anyway <3  
> Sorry for such a short and tiny chapter.

_ Vanessa _

After Data left, I crashed on the couch for a little while. I was just tired in general and just needed a little bit of sleep. I awoke to hear the chime on the door.

“Come in,” I said, sitting up on the couch. Riker walked in. Great. Just great.

“Hey, Vanessa,” he greeted. I wasn’t too sure about his tone.

“Hi, what’s up?” I answered cautiously.

“Have you ever, oh, I don’t know, stopped 97 large animals from taking over a ship?” There was a long stunned pause between the two of us.

“What happened?” I asked after a few moments of silence.

“There’s a lot to explain.”

“I was in my room for  _ two hours _ . What could possibly have gone  _ that _ wrong?”

“Everyone is calling it the Llama Incident.”

“One, what the  _ galactic hell _ ?! And two, what the hell’s a llama?”


	13. So Much Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley makes a few comments that Vanessa refuses to stand for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used- Walk Me Home by Pink
> 
> One of my personal favorites

_Vanessa_

I walked around for a little while, beginning to listen to music. The Llama Incident was never explained, and maybe it was better that way. I had my earbuds in and I was looking down at my music player. I glanced up for a second and stopped myself from running into Wesley.

“Oh, sorry, Wesley.” I shut off my music player and pulled my earbuds out.

“Vanessa, I need to talk to you,” he said, catching my attention.

“Is something wrong?” I slid my music player in my pocket.

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

“Well, it’s….you.” The mindsets instantly went on edge.

“ _ What’s he talking about _ ?” Human asked.

“ _ I don’t know _ ,” Vulcy responded.

“Me?” I questioned.

“Yes, you.”

“I….I don’t understand. If I’ve offended you, I certainly didn’t mean to.”

“Listen, I don’t like the way you’re approaching my mother.” I did a slight double take.

“I’m confused,” I replied.

“The way you’re cozying up to my mother.”

“ _ What?!” _ the mindsets shouted in unison.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not doing anything,” I said, somewhat defensively.

“Sure.”

“Wesley, I’m not trying to do anything,” I stated firmly, “and if it seemed like that, I apologize. That was never my intention.”

“Yeah, sure, you aren’t. I’ve seen so many people like you before.”

“First of all, you’ve never met anyone like me. Second of all, I  _ am not  _ trying to do anything. That’s not….why I’m here.” I didn’t know what Wesley knew, and I didn’t want to tell him anything new.

“Sure you aren’t.”

“I’m telling you the truth. I am not here for that reason. I’m not looking for trouble with you, Wesley.” Because I knew how to kill him in multiple ways.

“Good. Then stay away from my mother.” Wesley still had no right to dictate my life in any way. He couldn’t tell me who to stay away from.

“Why should I listen to anything you say? It’s not exactly like you have authority over me.”

“I do when she’s my mother.”

“If she’s your mother, then can’t she make her own decisions? Why are you making them for her?”

“Because I don’t need a homeless Vulcan piece of shit ruining my life.” Human and Middle gasped, slowly looking over towards Vulcy. Her eyebrows were slanted angrily downward.

“ _ I’m in control now _ ,” she hissed, immediately making the other two back off.

“I hope you realize that I  _ am  _ part human, so technically you just insulted yourself and also I don’t want anything to do with your life, Wesley. I don’t screw with other people's lives.”

“Oh, really? You don’t screw with other people's lives? How about everyone you’ve met? How about their lives?”

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. I don’t meddle and make relations with the people I’ve met worse. I let people control their own personal lives. I have enough going on in mine that I don’t have the time to screw with other people’s personal lives.”

“Sure.” Wesley, at that point, was just flat out ignoring me.

“Particularly you, Wesley. I don’t care what you do with your life. I’d rather stay out of it completely.”

“Then you’ve been doing a bad job, because you’ve been ruining my life.”

“You haven’t even known me for twenty-four galactic hours. How in the galaxy am I already ruining your life?”

“Because you’re taking my mother.”

“How in the galaxy am I ‘taking’ your mother?”

“Because you’re a Vulcan piece of shit.” Human and Middle slowly looked over towards Vulcy, knowing she was going to snap, if she hadn’t already. Vulcy pressed a button in my mind angrily, while keeping a neutrally furious facial expression.

“We have worse names than that in Vulcan, you little-” I went into a full Vulcan rage. English was no longer in my vocabulary. Every insult in Vulcan I could think of, I threw at him. I walked away angrily after I finished my little Vulcan rant.

“ _ Asshat _ ,” Vulcy muttered. The other two looked purely terrified. “ _ No, that was not emotion. It was simply a fact. _ ” Human and Middle looked at each other and immediately backed off. I left Wesley there, just completely stunned or in shock. A few seconds later, I heard Picard’s laugh back towards where Wesley was, and I made a bolt for it.

I wandered a little more around the ship, still a little mad at Wesley. I wasn’t taking his mother away. Galaxy, we had only known each other for about a day and a half. I came across a hallway that was completely empty. There was a small window at the end of the hallway. I walked over to it. The stars, in my opinion, shined a little brighter than normal. When I was little, I remembered my mother telling me that the happier the stars were, the brighter they would shine. I smiled a bittersweet smile. I wondered if I could really pull this mission off. I had dreamt for so long of finally coming back home to the Enterprise. If I failed this mission, it meant a lifetime in Starfleet chains, and I’d never see the Enterprise again. I couldn’t help but think back to the conversation Picard and I had earlier. I shuddered at the thought of vulnerability. I couldn’t allow myself to be vulnerable. I couldn’t let myself be open to emotional attack. I started to question why I had been getting more reckless and rebellious. I mean, I had always been those things, but in the past about three years, it had flared. All the extreme problems I caused in Starfleet and the Federation started around three years ago. What  _ was  _ I trying to accomplish? Was I really just trying to cover up vulnerability? I truly wasn’t sure. I couldn’t help but think of when Dad told me that he wasn’t mad, just disappointed. I knew I had to clean things up. I couldn’t keep this up much longer. I started connecting the stars in the fog from my breath on the window to form my name. Wanting to escape from my thoughts, I pulled out the music player and my earbuds. I scrolled through my songs, and stopped when I saw one that I absolutely loved. I smiled and pressed play. It started to play _Walk Me Home_ by Pink. Once the song was over,  I smiled a little to myself. There truly was so much wrong, but, hey, I could fix it. I had a chance, at least. I still had some time before I needed to go to the bridge. I added a quick heart to the message I wrote on the window and started wandering again:

To boldly go ♡


	14. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Data and Dr. Crusher report to Picard, while Vanessa tries a popular Earth food for the first time.

_Vanessa_

I walked along the halls, just feeling content with everything. It was the first time in almost two days that I felt decently stable and just at peace.

“Hello, Vanessa,” a familiar voice greeted from my right. I turned. Guinan walked towards me

“Oh, hi, Guinan,” I answered.

“I’ve been just hearing around and I was curious as to how you’ve been doing.”

“I’ve been alright, thank you. How has Ten Forward been?”

“Quiet, for once in its life. I was also curious about another thing.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“Have you ever tried cheese?” The mindsets exchanged glances.

“ _ What the hell is cheese _ ?” Human asked.

“What’s cheese?” I asked, kind of confused. Was it a drink or something? I didn’t know. Guinan smiled at me.

“I supposed that gives me my answer. It’s a type of Earth food.”

“I don’t think we have that on Vulcan. What’s it like?”

“Well, there are many different types.”

“Really?”

“Yes, it depends on how they are made.”

“How  _ is  _ it made?”

“ _ Vulcy, take notes! Write this down! Write this down! _ ” Human ordered.

“It’s milk from cows, which are Earth animals. It’s then left to form into curds, and finally cut and made into any type of cheese. It tastes much better than it sounds.” We turned a corner and walked into Ten Forward.

“We don’t have any of that on Vulcan.”

“ _ What’s a cow _ ?” Middle asked.

“ _ Shh, let her continue _ ,” Human cut her off.

“Well, would you like to try some?”

“It sounds interesting. Yes, please.” Guinan stepped over to the replicator at the bar, as I took a seat.

“Computer, replicate cheese.”

“Type?” the computer neutrally asked.

“Let’s try….colby.” A small plate of thin-cut individual slices was replicated. Guinan placed the plate in front of me. I slowly tried one of the slices. Every color I saw seemed to become more vivid and bright.

“Oh. My. Galaxy. What kind of primitive life have I been living? This is fantastic.” Guinan smiled and kind of laughed.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I have no idea how Vulcan has gone so long without this. The world is more colorful now.”

“Everyone needs something in their life that instantly makes them happy. For Deanna, it’s chocolate. For the Captain, it’s Earl Grey. For you, it seems to be cheese.”

“Thank you. Now, all that’s left to do is take this to the Vulcan capital.”

_ Data _

I headed up to the Captain’s ready room, ready with my report on Vanessa’s progress. I pressed the chime on the door.

“Come,” the Captain’s voice answered. I entered the room. “Ah, Data, I presume you have your report?”

“Yes, sir. I believe you will be glad to hear me report that she is doing quite well in her studies about Romulan society.”

“Excellent.”

“She seems to be very well versed in her knowledge. She strikes me as more of a calm individual, rather than a controversial figure. I have also learned that she is very gifted in writing poetry.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, however, Vanessa does not wish for others to know this.”

“Why?”

“She feels that it will cause problems for her father, due to the topics of her material being mostly anti-war.”

“That sounds nearly ironic, from everything she’s caused previously.”

“She strikes me as….oddly human.”

“Oddly?” I was about to answer, when there was another chime at the door, causing both of us to look towards the door. “Come.” Dr. Crusher entered the room.

“Oh, am I interrupting something? I can come back later,” she said.

“Oh, no, Doctor, please, join us. We were discussing Vanessa’s progress since coming aboard the Enterprise.”

“I actually came to talk about that, as well.”

“Based on the period of time I have observed and researched her, she has shown remarkable skills in the ship’s systems, and her studies continue to show progress. With the occasional, what she refers to as, “moments”, she otherwise seems to be an enjoyable and likable person,” I concluded.

“Thank you, Data. Now, Doctor Crusher, what have you observed?” the Captain asked.

“Vanessa, as you know, has slept in the back room of the med bay for the past night. I’ve made progress connecting with her, but last night, she had a nightmare, or vision, where she saw some of her upcoming mission with Deanna. She wouldn’t give me many details about it, but it was obvious that it scared her. She’s not one to talk about her emotions,” Dr. Crusher explained. I observed Dr. Crusher’s expressions and tone. Even though she had known Vanessa for a relatively short amount of time, she seemed to deeply care for her. I did not fully understand how someone could grow to care for another person that quickly. I had a strong liking for Vanessa, but I did not know another way to view a person I had just recently met.

“That I know,” the Captain replied. “It took me a while to pull anything useful and major from her, and that alone was difficult as all hell.”

“You can tell that she’s now afraid to go on the mission. I really think that she’s scared they could die. Vanessa’s fragile as it is. The fear of potentially dying is going to add an extra weight to her shoulders, especially when it’s not just herself that she’s worried about. She cares deeply for all of us.”

“Sir, if Vanessa’s visions are true, may I suggest sending a strike team instead of just her and Counselor Troi?” I offered, hoping to possibly be of service. The Captain thought for a minute.

“No. The future is what we make it. She may be seeing  _ a  _ future, but it might not be  _ her  _ future or  _ our  _ future.  _ Her  _ future is what  _ she  _ makes. I’m continuing the mission as it is. If she has any complaints, she can come to me personally.” Based on the conclusions we previously discussed, I predicted that Vanessa was most likely not going to do that.

“Captain, with all due respect, we all know that Vanessa won’t talk to you about it. She barely talked to me about it and I appear to be the one who’s made the most progress with gaining her trust. She doesn’t really connect with men easily,” Dr. Crusher argued.

“She’ll have to learn to talk to me when there’s an issue with a mission.”

“You can’t force her to do that. I think we’re all forgetting that she isn’t her actual age. Cognitively, she’s still just a teenager. Her mental process is working to just discover where she stands in the galaxy. All she knows and feels right now is that you’re on the top, and she’s at the bottom.”

“Perhaps partaking in this mission with Counselor Troi provides Vanessa a feeling of beginning to rise within the ranks,” I suggested.

“That may well be true,” the Captain replied. “And rising in the ranks means a somewhat greater and easier opportunity to talk to her captain. Vanessa must learn that it’s up to her to decide what her future will hold. My decision is final, but I will keep an eye on her up until she and Deanna leave. Any questions?” Dr. Crusher and I glanced at each other, but neither of us spoke. “Alright. Dismissed, both of you.”


	15. Good Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission with Deanna is now set to begin, but things don't go as planned.

_ Vanessa _

I made my way up to the bridge, reaching it right at the exact time Picard told me to be there.

“Approaching rendezvous point, Captain,” I heard Worf say, as I exited the turbolift. I could feel myself smiling. The task I had been waiting for was just about half an hour away. It was going to be my ticket to a permanent stay on the Enterprise. I took a seat next to Deanna.

“Excited?” she asked, smiling at me.

“Very,” I replied.

“We should have heard from the Romulans by now,” Riker said, his tone filled with impatience.

“Not really,” I answered, slightly hesitantly. I could feel several pairs of eyes shifted onto me. “The Romulans aren’t exactly the most well-known for making the first move.”

“She is right, Captain,” Data added, turning in his chair. “It has been recorded that the Romulans usually wait to be contacted.” Internally, I was a little grateful for Data’s support. I wasn’t sure if Riker would’ve necessarily believed me if it was just me saying it.

“Mister Worf, open hailing frequencies,” Picard told Worf.

“Opening hailing frequencies,” Worf answered. I smiled just a little. “Incoming transmission from Romulan Warbird.”

“On screen.” That little smile quickly faded, as the Warbird came on screen, disengaging its cloaking device. It was  _ massive _ . I had seen an off-brand Warbird once before, but nothing like the real thing. It had a green glow, making it look more ominous. I could feel the blood beginning to drain from my face.

“Holy shit,” I heard myself say slowly.

“What, never seen a Warbird before?” Riker asked. I shook my head a little, even though I knew his tone was joking. The bridge of the Warbird appeared on the screen a few seconds later. I quickly mentally counted seven officers, including its captain, on the bridge, and counted again just to be sure.

“Captain Belrov, I presume?” Picard greeted. The Romulan captain nodded in agreement. “I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard. We are pleased to be able to participate in these new negotiations. Hopefully, our races can finally make peace between us.” Picard was a good diplomat, something I greatly needed to be.

“The feeling is mutual, Captain Picard. Perhaps peace can finally be officially established. Has the Federation accepted our requirements for the delegates?” Vulcan or Romulan. I remembered those as the requirements. That’s how I got involved.

“Yes, our chosen delegates include Counselor Deanna Troi of Betazed and Vanessa Williams of Vulcan.” Deanna and I glanced at each other, and I couldn’t help but smile just a little.

“Excellent. When can we expect them to transport?”

“We will have them transport immediately, if that is alright with you.”

“Very well. Belrov out.” The screen shut off, showing only the Warbird again. Picard motioned to the two of us to head to the transporter room. It was happening. It was really really happening. With a smile, I followed behind Deanna.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Picard called, making both of us stop and turn. He started walking towards me, which I instantly felt a little uncomfortable about. I wasn’t sure what I did wrong this time. He stepped behind me, adding to my discomfort, and pulled back both my shoulders and moved the top of my head back a little. I kind of looked at him, silently questioning what he was doing, which he immediately noticed. “Always remember to stand up straight, whether your on a diplomatic mission or not. It makes a better impression.”

“Yes, sir,” I heard myself say, not really sure how else to respond.

“Good luck.”

“Yes, sir,” I repeated, then following Deanna into the turbolift, and remembering to keep my shoulders back and stand up straight.

Deanna and I made our way to the transporter room.

“I see someone’s excited,” she commented. Excited? I was almost skipping down the hallway.

“Extremely,” I answered. “This little meeting with the Romulans is going to be the start of something new.” Deanna smiled at me, as we reached the transporter room and beamed over a few minutes later. When we appeared on the Warbird, I couldn’t help but notice that it was on the darker side. There was minimal light, and there seemed to be a greenish glow. I spied a yellow blinking light, and I remembered reading in  _ Of Romulus and Its People _ that the blinking light on a Warbird meant that its cloaking device was being activated. That was a little odd. “Hello?” I called.

“Hm, that’s odd. Where is everyone?” Deanna asked.

“Over there, I think,” I replied, seeing Belrov walking towards us. There were two guards with him. Something seemed off. Something seemed very very off. Belrov motioned with his hand, and two more guards suddenly appeared out of the shadows behind us. They grabbed Deanna and me, cupping their hands over our mouths. I started to struggle as much as possible. Oh galaxy. The Romulans turned the tables. Even as I struggled, the guards pulled us away and apart. No. I needed to stay with Deanna. This was wrong. “No!” I cried out. “You won’t get away with this!” My cries didn’t even matter. Belrov’s smile was the only thing that remained in the darkness.

I was being held in a small interrogation cell. I had analyzed the room as quickly and thoroughly as I could. I had to find a way out. I needed a plan of how to escape. The Enterprise needed to know what was going on. The door opened, causing me to look up. Balrov walked in.

“You really aren’t going to escape, so you might as well get the thought out of your head,” he said.

“Joy, the bastard himself,” I answered sarcastically.

“You’re incredibly rude.”

“Oh, then I suppose it’s polite to kidnap people.”

“Possibly.”

“What do you want from me?” That answer could have been one of many from a long and continuous list, so I really didn’t know what I was getting into.

“Your ship.”

“You’re not getting the Enterprise. Forget about it.”

“Well, then I’ll just have to kill your friend, that we have here.” No. I couldn’t let them do anything to Deanna. They could do whatever they wanted to me, but I had to keep Deanna out of it.

“Don’t you dare touch her.”

“What can you do to stop me?” I nearly cut him off by spitting in his face. It wasn’t something I was proud of or enjoyed to do, but I couldn’t think of anything else. “Wow, I’m so afraid.”

“You’re not getting my ship, you bastard.”

“Then I’ll take her life.” I had to think carefully. At this point, I didn’t care about anything else. I just needed to get Deanna out of this. I couldn’t let someone who had been so kind to me be hurt.

“I’ll do whatever you say, as long as you don’t harm her.” There was a pause, which I didn’t like.

“We’ll see.” Balrov walked out, and I let my eyes begin to narrow. I tried connecting a telepathic link with Deanna, but was met without a result. There was a vent by the corner of the room, and I knew the screws were tight on it. I’d be breaking a few nails today. I managed to get one of the cuffs unlocked. I started trying to open the vent. I immediately broke a nail, which didn’t surprise me. I twisted the screws just enough to pull them out and open the vent. I climbed in and started crawling, trying to be as quiet as I could. I stopped when I could hear Belrov’s voice.

“We have the girl. Give us what we want or we will execute the one in Cell B in the morning.” I moved a little more until I reached a slightly-open vent cover. Belrov was in his quarters, standing in front of a mirror. I started to smile. He was  _ rehearsing  _ what he was going to say to Picard. “Well, Picard, now that I have these two crew members of yours, I believe I’ll have your ship now. No, that’s stupid. Ugh.” I had a huge smile on my face and was trying not to laugh. I turned around and started crawling back towards the cell, getting a feeling he’d be returning soon. I moved the vent cover back when I got there. I could hear footsteps coming from down the hall, so I reluctantly re-cuffed myself. It went quiet again, and started trying to unlock the cuffs. I couldn’t get them unlocked. They were stuck. Oh no. No, galaxy, no. The cuffs were stuck. I felt the panic starting to set in. I had to get the cuffs off. I moved over to the vent cover and forced the bonds to break, causing myself a little bit of pain. I couldn’t come back to the cell. I started crawling as quickly as I could through the vent again.

I crawled until I found an empty hallway. I kept quiet and walked until I found a console with no one around it. I didn’t know much about any of the controls.

“Vulcy….?” I mentally asked for good clarification.

“ _ Working on it _ ,” she answered. “ _ I think the green screen to your left with the four different colored knobs is the communications section of the console. If your turn the knobs, you’ll be adjusting subspace frequency. You can try your luck _ .”

“Thank you, you’re the best.”

“ _ Thanks, I know. _ ” I smiled a little and started turning the knobs. I only received static. I had to think of something. I couldn’t just keep randomly guessing. I didn’t have time. I thought to those lights I saw from the bridge from when the Enterprise first contacted the Warbird. The knobs changed color based on which way I turned them. That had to be it.

“Purple….yellow….green….and….red,” I recited, turning the knobs. There was static, but then there was a beeping pattern. “Enterprise, can you hear me?” There was static. I sighed, knowing it wasn’t going to work. The beeping was suddenly interrupted, causing me to look up.

“Hello, this is the Enterprise.” I knew that voice.

“Data, it’s me Vanessa. Can you hear me?”

“Yes, I can.”

“It’s good to hear you. Is Captain Picard near you?”

“No. Has something happened?”

“The mission has been….compromised.”

“Acknowledged. What are your coordinates?” That was the only thing I knew how to read on any console.

“Yes. Sending now.”

“Received. We are on our way. Hang in there.”


	16. Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa continues to try to sabotage the Romulans, as well as find Deanna.

_Vanessa_

I started moving again, knowing I couldn’t stay in one spot for too long. There were three times already that I had to hide. I knew what the Romulans would do if they caught me again. Their prisoners….their treatment wasn’t a topic that was meant to be discussed. I did manage to find the door to the weapons room, which was a galaxy-send. I entered the room, analyzing the Romulan inventory. I figured it would be good knowledge to have later. In the middle of the room, there was a case that held up a huge phaser gun. I stared at it for a minute, but then spied a tiny purple phaser behind it. I smiled and picked up the tiny one.

“That’s more like it,” I said to myself. I heard footsteps approaching. I hid myself behind a container. I could hear two steps of footsteps. I closed my eyes, just trying to stay as quiet as I possibly could. One of them grabbed a weapon off a shelf.

“This’ll make that Betazoid shut up,” they said. I slightly gasped a little, then instantly covering my mouth. Oh galaxy.

“Did you hear something?” the second of the two asked.

“It was probably nothing.” They headed out of the room, and I followed them out, making sure to stay quiet. They started to turn left. I followed, staying out of sight.

“I swear I heard something.”

“You’re just going crazy.” I waited a few seconds, but then began to follow them again.

I followed them for a while. I didn’t know how much time had passed. They finally turned into a room. When I entered, I saw about 50 Romulans eating some sort of food. I had walked right into the mess hall. Luckily, there was a large structure for me to hide behind. My heart was pounding. I could’ve been killed right there. I saw Belrov walk in. He moved to the line to get the food. I didn’t recognize it, and it looked like it was discolored. I bolted through the door before I could be noticed and started running down the hall. I needed to find Deanna. I saw what looked like a map, but I didn’t understand anything written on it. I was going in circles. I had to be. I was lost. Two Romulans entered a turbolift, and I took the next one up. I was finally beginning to map out the vent system in my mind. That was about the only other thing I could do. I listened closely to what the two Romulans were saying.

“The boss says to wait,” one said.

“Why?” the other questioned. “Why bother waiting?”

“Because he’s going to talk to the other one right now.” My mind instantly went into panic mode. I crawled through the nearest air vent and started back for the cell. I was so stupid. I should’ve thought everything through. I should have waited until I had a good plan. However, if the Enterprise was coming, I could find Deanna and then we could somehow meet with the Enterprise. I just needed to figure out how to do it. I finally reached the cell again and loosely screwed the vent cover back on. I was done with the on and off escaping. Belrov walked in just about two minutes later.

“I see you’ve returned,” I said, keeping my voice as neutral as I could.

“I have.”

“And….?”

“And I wanted the command codes for the Enterprise.”

“Sure, like I know them.” Lie. I never knew the command codes in the first place.

“Then give them to me.”

“That was sarcasm.” Belrov held up a communicator.

“Kill the Betazoid.” I felt my heart stop for a second.

“No, wait, I’ll cooperate.”

“Belay that order. Alright, then, cooperate.” I could feel my stomach beginning to knot, but I had to do something to keep Deanna safe.

“I don’t know if the command codes change with the captain, but I only know the command codes that Kirk had.”

“That’s good enough for a start. Just know, as long as you cooperate, she’ll survive, and as long as she does, you’ll survive. Actually, speaking of,” he responded, pulling out a stun phaser. I shut my eyes as the pain spread throughout the rest of my body. “No more sneaking out.” Bastard.

“I just hope you realize that Picard would have figured out that something’s wrong by now. He’ll be coming for us,” I hissed, despite the numbness beginning to take over my body. Belrov violently grabbed my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

“I’m counting on it.” He flung me back, making me land on the floor. “Thank you for contacting your ship.” Oh. My. Galaxy. I made a major mistake.

“No!” I yelled.

“You’ve been so very helpful.” Belrov walked out, leaving me with the sin I had committed. He was prepared to attack the Enterprise, and it was my fault for giving them the coordinates. I had just signed a death warrant.

I didn’t know or care how much time had passed. I was just left with the painful reminder of the mistake I had made.

“ _ We couldn’t have known _ ,” Human tried to reason.

“ _ But we should have had an idea. We didn’t exactly make a plan _ ,” Vulcy argued.

“ _ How could we, though? We’re limited on information, right now. We had to just improvise _ .”

“ _ We could’ve thought at least  _ something  _ out. _ ”

“Guys, shut up. I’m not in the mood to hear it,” I said, putting my hand to my head. The door opened, and I already knew who it was. “Joy,” I greeted sarcastically.

“It’s good to see you, too.” He threw something at me, which felt cold when it hit me, and it made a slap sound on the floor. It looked like a piece of meat. It was the same discolored shade that the food from the mess hall was. I looked at it, and then looked back up at Belrov, a very annoyed expression on my face. That was the best he could do? Throw a piece of meat at me? “You’re lucky you even get this. Your friend gave us codes to Starfleet. Not much, but it’s useful to us.”

“Everyone knows Starfleet codes. It’s easy information,” I partially lied.

“I’ll leave that here,” he replied, motioning towards the piece of meat. He started walking towards the door, but I didn’t really want him to leave just yet.

“Which codes did she give you?” I asked, stopping him.

“I won’t tell you.”

“Oh, really? Why?”

“Because it’s easier to play mind games.”

“Sure,” I responded sarcastically.

“I could just activate the shock button right now.” I mentally cringed at the thought of the numbness returning.

“ _ Shutting up _ ,” Human muttered. I ignored her, keeping my mouth shut.

“Good,” Belrov said.

“So what’s your point in visiting now? Just to tell me that you got Starfleet codes?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s an idiotic reason.” I suddenly felt the numbing shock shoot throughout my body and it stung. Belrov left, a dumb-looking smile on his face. Once the door closed, I could feel a telepathic link form in my mind. “Deanna? Is that you?” I thought.

“Yes, it’s me,” she mentally replied. I was grateful.

“Are you okay? What are they doing?”

“They hit me once.” No. No. No. That’s not what I wanted to hear. I needed Deanna to be safe,  _ unharmed. _ It was my fault she got hurt.

“How bad was it and who do I have to kill?” I heard Deanna laugh just a little.

“I handled it.” I felt that was a lie. I didn’t like this.

“Have they asked you any questions or anything?”

“Yes.”

“Like what?”

“Ship schematic codes. I told them to keep you safe.” That sentence added to my struggle. I was supposed to keep her safe. Not the other way around. I was supposed to protect the people who had been so welcoming to me, the person who didn’t deserve it at all.

“Well, they still don’t have any command codes, so they can’t do too much yet, but I did manage to contact the ship.”

“Actually, they have one of the engineering codes.” I knew instantly that she gave it to them, and she knew that I knew. “They threatened to kill you.”

“The ship should be on it’s way. If I can escape, I can find you and sabotage this ship,” I answered, not sure how else to respond.

“Vanessa.”

“I can handle it.”

“Be safe.”

“I will be. I promise.” I shouldn’t have promised. It wasn’t one I could keep for sure. The link was cut, and I was alone again. I needed something to happen. I could just keep sitting here anymore. I leaned my head back against the wall. “Damn.”


	17. Revolt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew is on their way to save Vanessa and Deanna, who are trying to make a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song mentioned-Piano Man by Billy Joel
> 
> Sing us a song, you're the piano man....

_ Vanessa _

It was maybe an hour later when two guards walked in, each grabbing one of my arms and forcing me to stand. I didn’t fight it. I needed to figure out what was going to happen next. Then, I could start to make a plan and improvise. We entered a turbolift, and I assumed it was the same one I had discovered earlier. It would probably have matched the mental map of the vents I had sketched out. We exited the turbolift and started walking until we reached a door. Deanna was there. She had to be. It was the only explanation. The door opened and my conclusion was correct. Deanna had two dark bruises on her face. No. She didn’t tell me that. Galaxy, no. The guards latched similar chain cuffs around my wrists, like Deanna. They shoved me to a sitting position next to her and left the room.

“You didn’t tell me they did that,” I said as soon as they were gone.

“I didn’t want you to worry. Don’t pick at the chains yet. Just wait.”

“Wait for what, though? I’ve been waiting for the ship, for Belrov, for anything. What’s left to wait for?”

“The right time.” I let go of the chain, frustrated.

“I guess it could be worse. Why does Belrov even want the Enterprise? He already has this ship.”

“He’s after the rest of the Federation.”

“Even if he gets to the Federation at all, a fleet of planets will attack him. Why take the risk? Why not just go take over planet by planet?”

“Because the Federation is a pushover. If he becomes a leader, they’ll just follow him.”

“I suppose that’s how rebellions start. If I could get to the vents, I could work on sabotaging this place and getting us out.”

“Not yet.”

“But I can’t just stay here and do nothing. It starts to screw with the sides of my mind. I have to do something, anything.”

“To survive, we just have to wait.”

“Then, galaxy, give me strength.”

“We’ll survive, but it helps to think of good things. Did you know that Commander Riker cries when he listens to some songs?” I smiled a little, knowing I could use this precious information.

“Oh? What songs?”

“Piano Man is a big one.” I snickered a little.

“That’s priceless.”

“Oh, you should see it in person. It’s so much worse.” I smiled, thinking about how this was valuable knowledge.

“I wish I had my music player. It’d make time go a little faster.” My wish was slightly granted, in a way, as the two of us heard footsteps coming from down the hall. Belrov entered with four guards. Deanna and I exchanged glances.

“Now, let’s make this simple,” Belrov started.

“What do you want?” I asked, making sure to stay neutral.

“The Enterprise is very close, and one of you is going to contact them, telling them that they can lower their weapons and shields.”

“That’s not going to happen,” I stated, feeling Deanna’s eyes on me.

“Oh, trust me, it will.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

“I would.”

“Sure.” My eyes started to narrow.

“Guards, shoot the Vulcan.” I could hear Deanna almost begin to protest, but I, somehow, managed to keep my composure.

“Go ahead. I can survive a bullet.”

“Set it to instant vaporization, and, instead, shoot the Betazoid.” I had that coming. I completely had that coming. I sighed, knowing I was screwed.

“What do you want me to do?” I finally answered, after a long pause.

“Call them and tell them to stand down. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you both and get out of here before they can find us.”

“Well, I hate to state the obvious, but I can’t do that without a communicator.” Belrov pitched one at me, which I, unfortunately, caught. Against my will, I started adjusting the subspace frequency of the communicator. I took a deep breath.

“Vanessa to Enterprise. Can you hear me?” There was static for a minute, but it was interrupted by a voice. There just had to be a voice.

“Yes, we hear you. Is everything alright?” Picard asked.

“The Enterprise can lower its weapons. They’re not needed,” I internally struggled to say. Belrov motioned and one of the guards pulled back on my hair. I mustn’t have been convincing enough. The pulling was beginning to hurt.

“Are you sure? These are your coordinates, correct?”

“Yes, Captain. The Enterprise can lower its weapons. Everything is alright.” There was a slight pause.

“Alright.” One of the guards took the communicator and shut it off.

“There, are you happy?” I hissed, finally getting my hair released. I felt disgusted with myself. I should’ve put some type of code or just  _ something _ that would’ve told them everything.

“Yes, I am,” Belrov answered. He took out a personal communicator. “Fire on the Enterprise.”

“No!” I yelled, trying to move to get up. I could feel the ship fire. Oh galaxy no. No. No. No.

“Now that that’s done with, guards, take them to the execution chambers. We don’t need them anymore.” I immediately started to struggle to get away.

“I’ll kill you for that! I swear to the galaxy, I’ll kill you! You coward!” I spat in his face again, something I still wasn’t proud of.

“I still win. Just remember that.” I’m not sure if it was a rush of adrenaline or some unknown force, but I twisted the chain enough that I whipped the small purple phaser into my hand from my sleeve. I shot the chain, cutting it, and then shot the guards. I still had the phaser on stun, but it was enough for me. I spun and rammed my foot straight into Belrov, right where it truly hurt. I cut the chain that bound Deanna.

“Let’s get out of here,” I said.

“Agreed.”

“Oh, wait.” I still had the negotiation papers in my pocket. I pulled them out and pulled out my pen, as well. I knelt down to Belrov, who was still on the floor, and placed the papers and pen in front of him. “Sign it.” When he made no move, I pointed the phaser right at his head. “Sign it,” I repeated. After a long pause, Belrov finally signed it. I took the papers, pen, and his communicator. “I prefer to complete my missions, thank you very much.” I turned to Deanna. “Now, let’s get going.” The two of us started moving, as I started tuning the subspace frequency on the communicator. “Vanessa to Enterprise, can you hear me?”

“Yes, we hear you,” Picard’s voice answered.

“Captain, it’s quite good to hear you. How much damage did the ship take?”

“None, we’re fine here.”

“How? How is there no damage?”

“Did you really think I would lower the weapons and shields when you sounded like you were about to bawl your eyes out? I wasn’t born yesterday. I was playing you so Belrov would believe us.” I could feel my face turning red, and my expression filling with annoyance.

“Is there any way you can beam Deanna and me back onto the Enterprise?” I replied, choosing to let it go, for now.

“Yes, right away.” I was about to respond, when I felt a sudden intense pressure on the back of my head. I was hit with something. Every sound had just gone quiet. There was kind of a ringing sound, but that was it. Sound and silence always existed in unison, but all I found now was the silence. Everything seemed shaky and blurry. My hearing was somewhat coming back, but everything seemed to be in an echo. I put my hands to the back of my head, and it felt like my hair was wet, but I didn’t know why.

“Beam us back,” I heard myself say, but I think it was getting slurred. I thought I heard someone calling my name, but we were already starting to be beamed back.


	18. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa and Deanna are now back on the Enterprise, but Vanessa is not okay. After the bridge scare she pulls, she is welcome into the crew to stay.

_ Vanessa _

When we transported onto the bridge, I could still feel the pressure on the back of my head. Everything seemed like it was being filtered. It sounded like everything I heard, I was hearing through headphones. I still had the signed papers in my hand. I needed to get to the med bay. The turbolift doors were so close. If I just took a few steps, I could walk into the turbolift.

“Vanessa, I’d just like to congratulate you on your success,” Picard’s voice somewhat forced me from my trance. Immense pressure was just beginning to build on the back of my head and it was starting to really hurt. I didn’t say anything, but felt myself walk up to Picard and hand him the papers.

“Mission accomplished, Captain,” I heard myself say. Everything seemed so distant. The colors of everything were too vivid and bright and they were starting to become blurred. Something was wrong. I needed to get to the med bay.

“Vanessa, are you alright?” I felt myself turn around and start walking towards the turbolift. I put my hand on the back of my head, as the pressure kept building up and intensifying. “Vanessa.” I turned back towards Picard, taking my hand away from the back of my head. There was a bright red streak where the pale of my fingers was supposed to be. The red streak was just becoming a blur and I couldn’t make out the figures of my individual fingers. I didn’t even feel myself begin to fall, only when I hit the ground. “Oh shit.”

I opened my eyes to the familiar sight of the med bay ceiling. I could feel a pain at the back of my head, but it wasn’t that bad.

“Galaxy,” I said, starting to sit up.

“Well, Vanessa, you took quite a hit and a fall,” Dr. Crusher’s voice answered from my right. She made sure I stayed stable and upright as I sat up. I smiled a little, internally relieved that it was her.

“I’ve had worse.”

“You suffered some trauma to the back of your head.”

“That’s from the negotiations.” I was tempted, but I didn’t touch the back of my head.

“Must have been some negotiations.” Dr. Crusher started scanning my head with a tricorder.

“How’s Deanna? I can’t really remember what happened to her.” I barely remembered anything. It was all so vague.

“She’s fine. She’s recovered from her injuries. They were rather minor, just a sprained wrist and some nasty cuts. You, on the other hand, have been asleep for five days.”

“ _ Five _ days?” I questioned, wanting to make sure I heard right.

“Yes. You gave us quite a scare, Vanessa.”

“It couldn’t have been that long. I remember on the bridge when I gave Picard the negotiation papers. It couldn’t have been five days.”

“It was.”

“Damn, time does fly.”

“Yes, it sure does.”

“How’s the crew doing?”

“Everyone’s fine. We’ve all just been worried about you.”

“I’d be fine. I always have been,” I replied with a really dorky and stupid smile.

“Well, passing out on the bridge with cuts, bruises, and blunt force trauma to the back of the head doesn’t relieve the crew much.”

“I don’t remember passing out on the bridge. I just remember giving Picard the papers.”

“You did, and then you passed out trying to get to the turbolift.”

“I should probably apologize for scaring everyone.” I didn’t want any of the crew to worry, even though I probably should have been a little more worried or concerned.

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about that.”

“Who said ‘oh shit’ when I was on the bridge? I remember giving Picard the papers, and then someone saying ‘oh shit’.”

“That was the Captain that said that.”

“Oh really?”

“Yep.”

“That surprises me, but at the same time it doesn’t.”

“Well, when you’re ready, there’s a meeting on the Observation Deck. I’ll give them the call when you tell me to.” I instantly moved to get up.

“I’m really ready,” I replied, wanting to go as fast as I could. Dr. Crusher smiled at me.

“It’s good to have you on board, Lieutenant Commander.” I smiled.

“Thank you for the welcome, Doctor Crusher.” I moved to pull my earbuds out of my pocket, but pulled out my shattered pocket watch instead. “Damn, I forgot.”

“I could fix that for you.” I thought carefully for a few moments. I smiled just a little.

“I think I’m going to take it as a sign. It’s time to let go of the past, because now I have a new future ahead of me.” Dr. Crusher smiled at me.

“Just promise me one thing. Don’t forget that red headed Vulcan named Vanessa Williams.” I smiled my trademark smile, something I had missed using all this time. I began to back out of the med bay.

“Oh, trust me, Doctor Crusher, she’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”

I basically bounced all the way to the Observation Deck, only walking professionally when I was within ten feet of the door. It felt so good to be home. I took a deep breath when I reached the door and entered the room with a bright smile.

“Ah, Vanessa, glad that you could join us,” Picard greeted. I was so much more than happy. I trademark smiled.

“Hello, Captain. I hope no one missed me too much.” I replied.

“Just worried, but it’s good to have you back. Now, please, have a seat.” I immediately took the fourth seat on the right, across from Deanna, who was smiling. “Now, due to recent events from Vanessa and Deanna’s mission, we have learned that the Romulans are planning to attack a Federation outpost near the border within the Neutral Zone.”

“If we took a route near my home planet, we could stop them before they even reach the Neutral Zone,” I suggested.

“Yes, but we have not yet been assigned to this mission.”

“We could send out an immediate message to Starfleet and the Federation,” Riker replied.

“And once we get their permission, we can head out,” I concluded.

“The Enterprise would be heavily outmatched,” Worf objected.

“Not if we send someone to go undercover. If we were to sneak someone aboard the Romulan ship, they could sabotage it, sneak off, and that’s where the Enterprise comes in.”

“Yes, but now that we’ve already done that, they’ll be prepared for us,” Riker pointed out. Riker was right, as much as it killed me to admit it, but I was already getting ideas.

“I could take care of that.”

“You would need someone who knows their way around a Romulan ship,” Data said.

“I have two options for that.”

“And those options are….?” Picard asked. I picked up on his tone and he sounded just very cautious.

“I have a few friends that are trusted within the Federation and they’re Starfleet ensigns. Or….I have something.”

“And what would that be?” I smiled.

“I have a pack of removable hair dye.” Picard smiled at me a little.

“Alright, then. Get your plan into action. Everyone, dismissed.” Everyone else began to exit and disperse, and I stood up to follow them. “Vanessa, wait,” Picard called me back. I stepped back towards him. I really wasn’t sure what he wanted to talk to me about. I mean, there was really a lot that we would probably end up talking about, but I didn’t know at that moment.

“Yes, Captain?” He held out his hand, which was closed around something. I held out my hand and he placed the object in my palm. It was a pocket watch. A brand new pocket watch.

“Welcome to the crew, Lieutenant.” I grinned. Internally, I was celebrating as if it was my last day to live. I had a crew again. I had a home again. A true home.

“Thank you, Captain. Now, I’ll go get my hair dye?”

“Have fun with that.” I started heading towards the door.

“Well, time to face the final frontier.”


	19. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Data's conclusion and Vanessa's entry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sequel is out, title is Star Trek The Next Generation: My Cursed Blood.

_ Data _

“And then what?” the Ambassador asked, after I finished speaking. I was a little confused.

“I beg your pardon, sir? I do not understand,” I replied.

“What happened after that?”

“Well...that is the end of the story.”

“There’s nothing more after it?”

“Well, there have been countless adventures and moments of importance, yes.”

“Why not tell me some of those?” I thought for a moment.

“Because, sir, I believe you should ask Vanessa to tell them to you. She has grown since you have last seen her, and I also believe that she would like it if her father showed some interest in what she has done.”

“Vulcans don’t show emotion, Commander Data.”

“Yes, I know that is the case, but I have been studying something. Vanessa shows emotion very regularly and this may be because she is not one hundred percent Vulcan, but she has an effect on people that brings out even more emotion within them. It is something I have never seen in a human or a Vulcan. For example, when I am with her, I feel the most human I can be, and I am guessing that happens to you, as well?”

“Yes, and that is my daughter. She’s always had that effect on people.”

“Can you tell me why this is, sir?” I was genuinely curious as to how Vanessa made people feel certain ways, how she had the ability to bring out emotion from within herself and others. The Ambassador ever so slightly grinned.

“No, Commander Data. I don’t think I will.”

_ Vanessa _

I traveled back to my new place, which was mostly bare. That was going to change soon. At least I had a desk. I just stood there, taking everything in. Lieutenant Commander. I actually had a rank. I never had a rank before. I never had 100% full access to all of the Enterprise before. I never had a room to myself on the ship before. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I officially had a home. I took a seat at my desk and pulled out my blue pocket notebook. It went with me wherever in the galaxy I was bound to go. There was already a Starfleet pen on the desk. I clicked the pen, opening the notebook. Smiling, I began to write:

Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise, along with me, Vanessa Kassidy Williams. Well, Lieutenant Commander Vanessa Kassidy Williams. My mission: to make a difference in the galaxy, to establish a relationship between myself, my ship and my crew. To boldly go where no one has gone before.


End file.
